Cat Daddy and his Mr. Handsome
When I met Craig, I thought he might not stick around because of all of the cats! He even said at one point, “Oh… I don’t really like cats. I’m a dog person.”
Then he met Toby and Cat Daddy was born. He pretty quickly nicknamed him Mr. Handsome, and weirdly, the second Craig’s brother met Toby, not knowing anything about him, he said, “Well, hello, Mr. Handsome!”
Toby was that kind of cat. He was social and loved humans. He loved when I taught out of the house because he got to see “his ladies” many times a week, which meant many times a week, he was flattered and petted and loved more than usual. As he deserved. He was definitely the STAR.
But he also was the most nurturing cat I’ve ever met. He guided three of my previous elder cats to their deaths while he was a kitten. He would lay with them, warming them, and give them baths, which they no longer could do for themselves.
So when his own death came, it made perfect sense that he kept taking care of all of us.
He gave us time to get used to (not really but you know…) the idea that he was leaving. He eased into his final days with quiet and dignity and still cuddling.
And the night he transitioned out of his fur suit, he somehow let Cat Daddy know it was happening. Cat Daddy said, “let’s check on Toby” out of the blue. (Toby was right there with us but under a blanket. He had requested to be under that blanket about two hours before (very clearly to Craig) so I knew things were coming soon.)
Craig lifted the blanket, and I said, “Toby, I love you!” He lifted his head, tried to squint at me, and took his last breath.
It was night time so Craig positioned his little body with care, and we eventually went to bed. The next day, we laid Toby on the floor for a while so that the others could visit. We wanted to be sure they understood. (They did. They’ve all been really good.)
And then we finally took him to the funeral home to be cremated. We’re lucky to have a funeral home in this city that has an actual separate animal space. (It’s amazing.)
I wanted to write about this for a few reasons.
First, so many of you who have taken classes with me loved Toby too. Everyone who met him did.
Second, we were lucky enough to be able to do this for Toby… to give him this dignified end at home with everything and everyone he loved. If you are able, I highly recommend it. For a thousand reasons. And if you’ve never done this, please never hesitate to ask me questions because it can certainly feel scary. I’ve done it before so I was able to alert Craig to different phases we were entering so he wouldn’t be too very surprised.
But beyond that, I also want to say, if you couldn’t do this in the past or can’t do it now, please don’t judge yourself. We can only do what we are able.