Joy List May 2024

I haven’t done a list since February of this year so here we go…

This is not for everyone but it’s an interesting take (to me) on procrastination and what to do about it. I realized while watching it that I was already kinda doing what he suggests and that I just needed it articulated to help me do it more consciously and with more direct intent.

I would not consider myself a Swiftie though I totally admire her and her songwriting (not so much her billionaire status about which she needs to learn from Dolly Parton but I digress…)… anyway, I can’t even name a song actually but I know her when I hear her. And this video is freaking stunning and there are surprise guests for those of us who cried in the theatre at Dead Poets’ Society.

Thanks to our beloved cellist-muse Zoe Keating, I found a writer on Instagram writing about ageism in some profoundly important ways. Go here just to see a few quotes and make sure to follow her.

Young men like this give me hope for our future; he talks about how men claiming to be “more logical” is false and that the reality is they lack compassion and empathy.

My favorite dancer in a while. She’s only in 7th grade. Make sure your sound is up and be amazed at her utter and complete embodiment.

Prime is Scotland’s first semi-professional dance company for people over 60. I’m taking a LOT of inspiration from this.

If you’ve still not watched the Netflix documentary about Jon Batiste and his wife Suleika Jaouad, go do that. Right now. And then read her book.

And this is a reminder that if you’re ever in Columbus, OH, you can drop into a Peony Somatic Dance class with me at Heartfelt Yoga.

Journaling, Peony Bodyparts, and When We Feel Too Much

These are two stories that are connected in ways that I could not have imagined as they were both happening, which was in about a two week time span.

Journaling

When I met Craig, I was in the middle of the biggest clearing of my life. My house was utterly empty except for things I used day to day and found enjoyment in. There was so much space and it was a beautiful thing.

But in the garage there were a few boxes that were like energy black holes. They contained about 45 full journals from over 20 years of writing. I knew they had to go. They were repetitive and I found them, frankly, embarrassing as I was moving past the need to so closely examine, over and over, the same wounds. (That work was important as I was doing it.)

I threw them out. It was too much to burn in a small city with rules about such things. When they were gone, I could feel another clear space in my life and it was good.

Fast forward and I’ve been trying to get back into journaling. I’m a writer. It’s good to brain dump.

But over the last couple of years I just can’t. No matter how I tried to approach it, it wasn’t working.

Every time I sat down to journal, thinking about how full my brain felt and how much I had to say — how much I wanted to say — I would put pen on to paper and within a few sentences feel this overwhelming bodily exhaustion. I was lucky if I filled a page.

Knowing how I do that it’s important to be writing by hand to get the full somatic/trauma-informed expressive arts therapy benefits of journaling, I kept refusing to try it a different way. (I am so freaking stubborn.)

But I finally gave in. I was desperate to start journaling once I got back into talk therapy. It is so important to have a space to track things.

So I got an app (Day One). I can use it on any of my computers or devices and it syncs across them.

And lo and behold, I have been writing like mad. I’m on day 31 of no days missed and some days I write twice.

Peony Bodyparts

My students in Columbus are, of course, very new to me and my methods, and it has been a joy to go on this journey with them. It’s like learning and understanding and really seeing my processes with new eyes.

One of my students, who is a therapist herself so she’s trauma informed, said to me one day out of the blue: Bodyparts are my favorite.

Now I love Bodyparts. I love it for the concrete way it gets you into your body and ready for more. I’ve always seen it as a logical and needed sort of “warm up.”

I don’t think anyone has ever told me it’s their favorite part of class. There’s so much to a Peony Somatic Dance class that is … well, freaking fancier or even plain old weirder.

The somatics of it all

I was talking to Deb Globus about the journaling issue because she’s the Queen of Journaling, and she said something that was such a huge wake up call.

I will paraphrase but she said, “So writing by hand was putting you into nervous system overload… thus the exhaustion, and by typing, you got rid of that aspect but you can still benefit from getting all the words out.”

MY. GOD. THAT.

THEN…

I asked my student why she loved Bodyparts so much and again paraphrasing:

“Because I can explore my physical body but not get too deeply into the emotional stuff right off the bat…”

Again… Bodyparts (like typing a journal) removes some of the somatic intensity of the work, and that allows us to get some of the best parts of these tools without dysregulating our nervous systems.

What this might mean for you

Sometimes we really can go at things too directly and too hard.

It’s truly a lot of what the Peony methods are about… I mean them to be gentle and I mean them to be modified in ways that make them appropriately gentle to each person’s needs.

But still… we think, THIS IS THE HEALING WORK! GET AT IT!

Then our bodies send us messages that it’s too much, which we often read as STOP.

But instead of stopping, we really need to just reevaluate and see how we can take things down a couple of notches.

The work is good and it deserves our best effort. But we also deserve self-compassion and patience.

(If you’re having an issue like this and need some help creating the “notches down” approach, don’t hesitate to write to me.)

Intro to Kundalini Workshop

This workshop will take place in 3D in Columbus, OH on Sunday, April 21, from 5 to 7 PM. But I’ll then be taking the material online so keep your eyes open for that. (And this workshop is great whether you’re just starting with Kundalini or want a refresher/deep dive into it.)

If you’re able to be in Columbus, go here to register.

I thought now would be a great time to re-tell the story of me and Kundalini and give you an idea of what a class with me can look like:

The Story of a Magpie Mind

My mind is a magpie, always collecting shiny bits wherever it comes across them, never settling, adding forever to its already full nest. My magpie mind never thinks, “Oh! that’s the perfect amount of shiny! I am done!” Nope. My magpie mind is always in flight, searching.

I used to think that was a bad thing and maybe some of you thought the same or were taught the same about your own magpie minds.

I used to think that was a bad thing, until I realized it’s simply… NOT.

My magpie mind is fucking delightful and my students are better off for it.

I never tire of learning. I never tire of experimenting. I never tire of pushing myself just that little bit more.

Because of this, I’ve always had a hard time describing the yoga I teach. It’s steeped in so many lineages and I pull in from so many teachers and sources that it would be impossible to list them all in one place.

But underneath it all, there is Kundalini yoga — just with a whole bunch of Christine sprinkles, which change from month to month and year to year.

Kundalini Saved My Life and Prepared Me to Return to Dance AND LIFE

That’s not an exaggeration. I was deep into a severe and life threatening and long term cycle of depression and anxiety. My willingness (and I have no idea where that came from!) to try yoga and then to try Kundalini did something magical to my brain.

The focus on breath work and the quick movements of Kundalini — rather than the stationary poses of more “mainstream” yoga — washed my brain in serious amounts of happy chemicals, and yes, that would go away mere hours after practice but it was enough that it stayed in my memory and made me go back again and again. The longer I practiced — over months and years — the longer the effects lasted after each session.

Eventually this all led to my healing experience on the dance floor at a friend’s wedding when I was 40. I would never ever have stepped onto that dance floor again if I hadn’t been prepared by my Kundalini practice.

So what the HECK is Kundalini with Christine?!

In my late 20s, I started where most people start with yoga or thereabouts: Iyengar yoga. From there, though, I quickly dove into many other lineages: Integral, Vinyasa, Kripalu, Ashtanga, Yin, Restorative…and more.

I’ve also taken time to really study breath (pranayama); I have resisted but finally gotten a handle on meditation practices; I am obsessed with mudras; I am equally as obsessed with chanting. (I’m really a natural Bhakti Yogi, if that means anything to you. If not, it means I’m naturally devotional.)

I’ve studied yoga philosophy with one of the most renowned teachers in the West.

And more recently, within the last few years, I’ve dived deeply into Tantra studies, the foundation of Kundalini Yoga.

I’m also certified from Kripalu in YogaDance and YogaDance for Special populations (people with Parkinson’s, etc., and those recovering from cancer). This form is very influential to all of my movement work.

To get a rounder sense of me: everything I have ever studied relative to movement informs my approach to Kundalini.

This includes but is not limited to: Japanese Butoh, modern dance, somatic therapies, trauma and body based psychotherapies, biomechanics, and I’m probably forgetting lots.

So WHAT Does a Class LOOK LIKE?!

That’s a great question because it’s always evolving, but you can bet on a few things happening every time:

First, there’s always a TON of circular movements because that’s what the body loves.

Second, there will be repetitive and very natural feeling movements blended into and with things you more easily recognize as “yoga,” BUT there will always be a way to find all of it in YOUR OWN BODY. I’m extra good at that. ((grin))

Third, there’s a major connection to the breath and a variety of breaths in a way that most of my students say they never experienced before. The breath is actually more important than the movements.

Fourth, you won’t feel like you’ve “exercised” like some yoga classes (though that’s not always bad); instead you’ll feel like you’ve participated in a ritual of healing and joy.

Three basic somatic techniques for nervous system regulation

In a Peony Somatic Dance class, as many of you know from direct experience, the “somatic” aspects are deeply embedded. They’re in the very foundations of the practice. You could say that somatic principles and theories are the very DNA of the work.

You could break down a Peony class into dozens upon dozens of somatic specific techniques, all meant to increase our capacity to hold the reality of our life internally and express that through the body externally.

But there are definitely some basic somatic “exercises” (for lack of a better word) that I include in a variety of ways in almost every class.

And really? We should be doing all three of these every day for even just a minute or so.

Spinning

First up, spinning. Which children are constantly doing. For the pure joy of it. When was the last time you twirled?

If your first response to me is to say that it makes you too dizzy, then you really need it.

You can start by simply walking around ever-tightening circles. You can then progress to super slow spinning and over time increase your speed.

Jumping

This one is always a favorite. And it has so many benefits that the two slides listing the benefits don’t even cover it all.

Again, you don’t have to be able to jump high, and at first, you don’t even have to totally leave the floor.

Shaking

We often combine the shaking with the jumping and together they are exponentially more beneficial in terms of their efficacy to release pent up anger, frustration, fear, and sadness. Add in some yelling and you’e got a potent prescription for freedom

I’ll be covering more and more of these “basics,” and please, feel free to snag the images and share and use them.

(And be sure to follow my Instagram. It’s where I put this stuff first.)

No mirrors

When I was getting ready to start to teach here in Columbus, the studio owner I work for asked which of his studios I wanted to teach out of. He has three and two of the spaces would have worked. But one space has mirrors so it was an absolute no-brainer. The yoga space it was/is.

Not working with mirrors and often having our eyes closed helps with entering into a nonjudgmental playful space in our bodies. It also adds to the meditative aspects of Peony Somatic Dance... a sort of meditation for those of us who don't tolerate seated meditation well.

(Seated meditation is not great for depression, anxiety, and a variety of mental illnesses. If it makes you feel worse, don't do it. I’ve written about how it’s okay if you can’t meditate and why that might be the case here.)

For so many of us, the mind feels like a constant tornado of activity and words and images and ideas and stories. It’s constant and it can seem like there’s never any relief.

Sitting in meditation can exacerbate all of that. (Again, see what I already wrote about this.)

But when we work with somatic dance, we become so focused on the prompt and the body and the music that it is like being in the eye of the tornado.

Suddenly we have peace and calm and quiet.

The body is truly the gateway to this.

The body and the mind are one, and when we try to … tame the mind via the body, we are working against our very nature.

When we enter into fully embodied and moving joy, then we are using ourselves as we are built to be used.

Movement is life. And movement is the tool the mind will respond to most easily, most naturally, and most joyfully.

No exertion, frustration, or extreme effort needed. Just be in play.

Not having mirrors in our space removes the temptation to turn toward ideas of perfection and “prettiness” that get in the way of this bodymind-ness that we are seeking.

(Side note: sometimes I work with mirrors very intentionally to work on issues around invisibility. I consider this advanced work that the student enters into when they are ready.)

Here’s some movement to be inspired by.

Bodies change...

These two photos are about 9 years apart. The black and white photo is the older photo and the newer photo was taken in the studio where I teach here in Columbus, OH.

I’m 46 in the first one and 55 in the second. Though this has nothing to do with age.

It has to do with time passing, yes, but it has to do with life experiences over that time passing.

During that first photo, I was in the best fitness of my life, and I was on fire with ideas and passion and energy. I hadn’t met Craig; the pandemic hadn’t happened; so much hadn’t happened. And I was in a “flying high” sort of phase of my life. I felt completely healed of any and all mental health challenges. (Yes, I was a bit naive.)

Come to the second photo and those nine years between the two feel more like a few decades. And I’m betting that most of you reading this don’t just understand that but feel much the same about this chunk of time.

My point here is that our physical bodies end up reflecting the life we’ve lived through and our internal landscape. (Stick with me.)

It’s basic cause and effect.

There were dozens of reasons, but over those nine years, I slowly stopped moving as much. I slowly stopped engaging with life in the same joyful way.

It was so very slow… like a titration of making me and my life smaller and smaller. Again, there were a lot of external reasons for this, but those reasons then fed into old internal crap, and eventually the existential depression monster took hold and would not let go.

Until maybe a year ago. And I think it was almost harder this time through than previous times because I felt such a profound sense of loss this time. Before my depression had developed in micro-bits over decades and it felt like that was simply the water I swam in.

When I got healthy, I didn’t realize what healthy could be like. It was so new to me. To have that suddenly snatched away again felt like a cruel joke.

And so with that existential depression, my already diminishing movement practices got pretty much gobbled up. I got to the point where the only time I was moving was when I was teaching. And it was easy when I was teaching to not move in new ways because I was paying attention to others.

You can see the spiral here.

And it’s really the same for most humans. Except that we don’t look to see the connections.

We blame our bad back on our age and not on the fact that we stopped moving very much decades before.

We blame our bad relationship on the other person and not on the fact that we also disengaged and stopped trying.

We hate seeing cause and effect because it leads to responsibility.

Eventually, our bodies will change, and that change will reflect so many little choices along so many years and so many unexpressed and unprocessed griefs and traumas and so many experiences that are uncountable.

The point is to notice and to understand that bodies change is not just a negative statement.

Bodies change. When I took that new photo of myself, it kinda startled me that to make that shape was kinda... difficult. It took a bunch of tries. It was frustrating. I expected to just replicate it the first try and with ease because it’s my damn body.

But bodies change. And I had not really noticed. Even though that’s my work in this world.

Bodies change. And it's often because we've changed how we are in these bodies.

Bodies can change again.

So I'll be adding a LOT more floor play into my movement work. It was a huge part of my practice back then but it hasn't been as much lately so I can't be surprised that my body has changed in this particular way.

When I started to dance again at the age of 40, my body and mind both changed COMPLETELY in nine months. I’m gonna do that again. Starting right now.

Watch me.

I started just in time...

From a recent class here in Columbus, OH.

I've added two classes at OrangeTheory to my week. This is on top of the six I teach and then the other stuff I do... like Pilates, walking, some weights, yoga, more dance, and soon tennis (as I write this here, I think we’ll be playing tennis this afternoon!!!).

These two classes though are teaching me something really important that I need people to hear but first a little context…

All through my 40s, I just kept getting physically fitter. AND mentally fitter because you CANNOT take those two things apart. Period.

Pay attention to this sentence: I was more fit in the decade of my 40s than in my entire life.

I got back all my youthful mobility and then some and got stronger than ever and more creative in my body than ever.

Then the pandemic hit, and like so many of us, I've come out the other side in a different body. One that's not quite so active. One that just feels different. (I’m not talking aesthetics here.)

After two frozen shoulders, that got even worse. I lost a lot of strength during those two years that I was trying to deal with that and then recovering.

I'm 55.

So... I start to go to Orange Theory and it hit me yesterday after class as I was walking home:

I STARTED JUST IN TIME.

I was a little startled by this thought, to say the least, but I knew in my bones that it was not an exaggeration.

Because I have lost more than I had even noticed. There are weird little things with my balance (which I will VERY QUICKLY get back). Little things in my ankles and my lateral hips (even though I do work on those things but apparently not enough).

I could EASILY blame this stuff on aging. That's what most people do.

But I KNOW that it's about UNDERUSE — because of all I just said about the pandemic and frozen shoulders.

The longer we wait, the harder it will be, peeps.

At any point, you can start to challenge that body and it WILL CHANGE.

I know this from watching elder dancers in their 70s and 80s suddenly being able to squat and come back up without touching anything. (With just my dance processes added to their lives.)

But at some point, you MUST start.

And start right where you are with no judgment.

What kind of aging do you want to have?

I'm not talking about things we can't control like illness and seriosus injury.

BUT there is SO MUCH we CAN control and when we don't take responsibility for that, it's a shame.

Again, what kind of aging do you want?

One of constant pain body and ever diminishing mobility and playfulness?

That's what our culture currently tells us is waiting for us all, but that's bullshit.

We CAN have vibrant elder years.

BUT NOW IS THE TIME TO DECIDE.

Do a wide range of things. Make sure you're including things that are uber challenging. Make sure you include PLAY.

A few announcements!

First, as always, there’s a new session of classes starting the week of March 11th. Go here for information about quickie yoga and Peony Somatic Dance classes that are online.

Second, if you know Helen Yee (perhaps you’ve been in a class with her), you might not know that she’s an amazing violinist and composer, AND she just released a solo album that I’m currently playing on repeat. I think my students will love it for movement practice.

Go here to support her work. You can purchase the CD (which comes with digital download) or you can just do digital.

(And hey, if you have anything you’re releasing out into the world, please send me a message so I can highlight you in my/our spaces.)

Speaking of spaces, the third announcement comes with a lot of mixed emotions, but my overriding emotion is excitement and so I know this is the right choice: I’m shutting down the JoyBody Sanctuary after 12 years of running free, private Facebook groups. I need a break and I need that time and energy to work on other projects and writing.

That said, you should be seeing me here more.

You can go here to read what I wrote about the closing of the group. I’ll be archiving the group at some point on Monday, March 4th so until then you can comment and leave responses.

And finally, a short video from a class with Linda Soto. It’s blurry but I found this so beautiful that it’s worth the blur.