I think this will be a part of a new series that I will write here where I take from some of the extremely interesting conversations we have in the JoyBody Sanctuary (the free space that is private on Facebook that you can ask to be added to here).
Rule number one of the sanctuary is that whatever is said in the Sanctuary stays in the Sanctuary so I will only be sharing bits of my OWN WORDS.
Someone was talking about the toxic idea that we can get out of depression by helping others and here’s what I wrote in response:
This is, as always, more complicated than all the memes etc. make it out to be.
Because first, there is a LOT of truth to this.
Our interconnection is key to our health on every level.
But our culture is heavy on codependence and does not generally understand the different that is interdependence.
So we go at things like this with bitterness and should-ness and martyr energy.
And we could write BOOKS, of course, on the complications of this for WOMEN specifically because we are taught to BE martyrs.
But the doing for others needs to come from a... clearer place than that.
And yes, when it can come from a clearer place of compassion and WANTING TO, then it very much can take us out of ourselves in a healthy way.
So first, we must know what WE NEED and work on that.
Second, we have to have healthy boundaries.
Third, we need to work for a compassion that includes ourselves and does not turn compassion for others into a weapon against our own needs.
Fourth, we need to be able to distinguish feeling compassion for a human and the totally legit feeling of NO for some of their actions.
I think they biggest key though is our own needs... are they being met because I don't think we can truly work from a place of compassion without that.
But again, girls are raised to do exactly that... to ignore themselves in favor of everyone else.