During the filming of the grief piece which I’ve still not edited even though my schedule is, well, lighter than ever. (see post below)
What time is it? What day is it? What month are we in? How long have we been in this lockdown thing? When will things go back to “normal?” What is “normal?”
Time has become, for sure, something very wibbly wobbly.
I’ve been pretty much in charge of my own schedule for many years. But I had a SCHEDULE. I even used a planner (what the hell is that?!).
I had places to go, people to meet with, things that had to be done by certain times. I had to GO SOMEWHERE to teach my classes. I would form my day around that and then squeeze in the gym or boxing, walking, coffee and writing, errands.
Now all those markers are gone.
It feels like suddenly being plunged into the middle of the ocean when you’re used to living on the shore and diving in and out when you need or want to.
It’s uncomfortable. It can even be scary.
“WHERE THE HELL DID MY DAY GO? WHAT DID I DO?”
I say that a lot. I don’t like the feeling. It all makes me angry and sad and then lethargic. Then I bounce back and start over, still wondering what day it is.
And you?
Another question: is this feeling temporary (of course it is) and are we actually settling back into more body wisdom based understandings of time and our lives?