I'm quite certain I'm not alone...
Thursday was rough. I had a pretty big panic/anxiety meltdown, and I felt paralyzed by it. I have a great helper, who knows how to talk to me, but I am still the one who has to figure out how to rise up out of that quicksand and Thursday...I felt pretty damn stuck in it.
During such a meltdown, of course, everything gets exaggerated and nothing feels like it could possibly help.
All the tools in your toolbox suddenly seem like GIANT JOKES existing only to prove how awful you are or how little hope there is in the world.
Eventually I dragged myself off the bed.
During times like this, even *I* CANNOT bring myself to dance. It's THE tool, but even I just cannot.
BUT I can do other smaller things. If I can get myself to start with the idea of just 5 minutes of pilates -- something concrete and directed -- that can turn into so much more as the healthy brain chemistry starts to reassert itself.
Thursday, that was exactly what happened. I started with a video of 25 minutes of pilates (with no promise that I would finish).
Why a video? I need someone else guiding me; I can't possibly do this myself when I am feeling that badly.
From there, I moved onto a 10 minute core video.
THEN, only then, after 35 minutes of soaking my brain in some endorphins, was I able to approach some free movement, and even for that, I stayed on the floor.
I stayed on the floor and focused on my breathing and waiting and allowing and noticing.
The very basic principles of what I teach.
And as always, quite suddenly, I was fascinated by the workings of this body.
And as always, quite suddenly, I was out of the asshole brain and completely in the whole of myself.
Because here's the thing: your brain is just ONE ORGAN.
When we rely on it exclusively, we easily become rather dumb.
When we dive into the entirety of ourselves and tap into the wisdom of the full body ecosystem... that is the pathway out.
