I want to talk about meditation, but first a couple of things:
If you have a classic sitting meditation practice that works for you, great. That's you. #ExperimentofOne And I don't want this to turn into a discussion about how that works.
And to be clear, I have studied with some of the leaders in the field of somatic psychologies. For a long time. They would agree with what I'll say here.
Meditation is (like everything) not for everyone, but it can actually be dangerous if you're still in the worst parts of anxiety, depression, OCD, CPTSD, and many other mental illnesses.
I've said this in person enough times to know that some of you probably just breathed a sigh of relief, thinking there was something inherently wrong with you because meditation feels so impossible. There's nothing wrong with you when it comes to meditation. Meditation is just not necessarily right for you... for right now. (And that might be forever, depending.)
Stay with me here...
Whether or not you've experienced physical or sexual abuse of any kind (and especially then), if you're someone suffering from mental illness, the BODY ITSELF does NOT feel safe.
To SIT in the body and watch the mind CAN BE like throwing gasoline on a fire.
And this is where movement practices come in.
For all of my 20s and 30s, people would tell me to meditate to help with my depression, etc.
And I was one of those who thought there must be something even more wrong with me because it made me feel worse.
THEN I started to dance again. And FINALLY my mind could quiet in that context.
Keeping the body moving, focusing on the breath, and focusing a lot of the brain on a problem solving prompt (a simple example: make as many circles in space with your body as you can)... this quiets the part of the brain that often felt like it was out to get me (my metaphorical experience... insert your own here).
Furthermore, over time and I mean TIME (months to many many years), your brain creates new neural clusters and pathways marked "body is safe to feel."
This happens BECAUSE you are working with someone (like me perhaps) who can create safe ways for you to be in your body feeling all the things, bit by bit... I watch for overwhelm of the system and pull you back when that happens.
Because re-traumatizing is not the damn goal. Which CAN happen if you're sitting in your own nest of awful during meditation with no one there to bring you out of it.
As Gabrielle Roth said, most of our problems were created and exacerbated in the brain/mind; we can't use that same tool for healing. At least and especially not during the initial phases of healing, which again, can go on for many years.
The movement work I teach is not some once in a while thing to be done when you're feeling extra bad or extra good. It's a lifetime practice of tools to be used over and over as we go through new and challenging experiences.
And I have to add ... part of the healing is due to the COMMUNITY aspect of the work. RELATIONSHIP is where true healing happens.
Morgenmuffels UNITE! Or the Meeting of the Morning Nutbags, a Free Group
To say that photo represents me in the morning would not be inaccurate. Me and morning have never been best friends. I got kinda better about mornings in the year or so before I met Craig and then when I first met him. But I was only kinda more friendly with morning because it was a time in my life when I was feeling so happy and energetic that I didn’t need as much sleep as I always have.
And by always, I mean always. Ask my mother. She’ll tell you that I slept over eight hours the first night home from the hospital. I slept so well and so regularly when I was a newborn that they, very young parents, were worried and took me to the doctor, who basically said, “CONGRATULATIONS!”
But then Craig came along and worked crazy hours and even now gets up at about 4:30 (AM!) to have time for coffee and the gym before starting work at 6:15 AM. He is a freaking morning person, for sure. Though he’ll weirdly deny that.
With his crazy hours, my own schedule got so thrown off that I no longer know what the heck I am. I know I do not like falling asleep before 11, that’s for sure.
Add in the pandemic and then Peony’s death and me and sleep have resorted back to kinda frenemies, not to mention how much worse morning has gotten.
Something had to change. I kept putting it off but I knew the answer. I just didn’t want to face and DO the answer. Let’s back up.
Neurodivergence and routines and change
I’ve wanted a new morning routine because I knew it affected the rest of my day.
Pre-Craig, I would get up and immediately take a shower and then sit and read and write and meditate/pray a bit. This worked beautifully and led to the rest of my day flowing naturally and easily from that start. I had kinda… monasticized my life.
Here’s another part of the equation: my weird brain has a hard time getting started. Whether it be the day or a project or whatever… getting started is hard.
YET routine is super important to my weird brain.
OY! I was caught in this kind of loop of not getting started and needing new routines to get started but not being able to start new routines.
TikTok to the Rescue
One of my favorite areas of TikTok is the neurodivergent creators. SO HELPFUL.
And I kept hearing about this concept of “body doubling.”
I also came upon the concept of “catalyst.” It’s how a different sort of brain needs something to get it started and that’s unique for everyone and figuring that out is key.
AH-HA Moment
I awoke with a start: OTHER PEOPLE ARE MY CATALYST!
Yep… duh.
Feeling responsible to other people (in the good way) is what makes me Do the Things.
This also incorporates body doubling. Just sitting with someone else while they write, for example, gets me writing.
A Free Zoom Group is Born and You Can Join
I put out a call. Was there anyone else who was struggling with a new morning routine, whether that mean starting your day with writing, art, meditation, movement, reading, whatever.
A few people said YES, PLEASE, and so we started.
I cannot overemphasize how profoundly this has impacted my life from moment one.
It works. Period.
I get up because I have to shower before I get on zoom and then I get everything ready and start the meeting at 8 AM. I wait until 8:05 and then we all go mute (you can also not have your camera on).
And we work. Together. But silently.
Until about 8:30 when I call time. (This is Eastern time.)
And from there, my day just GOES. I have gotten more done in the couple of days we’ve been doing this than probably the last MONTH.
I move more. I write more. My brain feels way more cooperative. I am getting downloads of ideas again. I’m reading more.
If you want in, just give me a yell.
OH! And during my reading the first day, I came upon this quote. We’re not a “buddhist community” but you get it:
“This involvement in a Buddhist community is invaluable to anyone wishing to take his or her practice seriously, and life as a Buddhist can be very difficult without regular contact with such a Sangha.”
Amen. Life as a human can be very difficult without regular contact with such a devoted and compassionate community.