I have a super wise private student right now (well, all of them are wise in different ways).
I’ve always talked about going back to the things we loved as children to tap into our essential/original nature and to rebuild the container that is your joybody.
But she came up with a phrase for this word that I love: Reverse Engineering. (I know this term is already a thing, of course, but I love how she used it for THIS.)
I love this above all because it implies work. (Of course! HA!)
I get a lot of “I don’t remember…” or “I never played…” as instant responses to my questions around childhood joy. I get it. Trauma.
BUT regardless, it’s there. Somewhere. We are all human animals and human animals play.
Bringing in the term reverse engineering tells us that yes, we might not know right away, but if we follow trails backwards, pick up breadcrumbs, look through photos, research our own pasts… even asking siblings, aunts, cousins what we were like, what they remember about us.
Eventually, we can make our way to the core of what brought us joy.
The work doesn’t stop there.
We have to ENGAGE with that joy.
Here’s the catch: WE CANNOT EXPECT IT TO BE THE SAME. We can’t try to 100% replicate it. We can’t expect the exact same feelings, especially not right away.
I loved roller skating and my baton. So I recently ordered myself a baton.
I SUCK.
But just having that baton to look at, firstly, brings me some joy. Triggers POSITIVE feelings in my body/mind.
And now I get to learn again, which is good for my brain and my fingers, wrists, and shoulders, as it turns out.
For Christmas, Craig bought me the most magical pair of roller skates. MAGICAL.
Again… I SUCK.
I fell right away. But I laughed and got up.
The second day I didn’t suck quite so much but still… laughable.
I used to be GOOD on my skates so this could stop me right away if I let it. I won’t.
I created a playlist that triggers me back to my roller skating days.
This will take work and again, it’s also great for my brain and my freaking GLUTES and lateral hip muscles. I already have strong glutes and I work laterally every single day but new movement equals new muscle experiences.
When we take the time to rebuild these sources of and paths to our essential joybody, we’re strengthening our joy muscles in general, and we are increasing our capacity to allow joy into our lives in all sorts of other ways.
When we lost these pathways for whatever reason, that was the start of our joy diminishment, and over time, many of us learned to not even EXPECT joy anymore and to only tolerate it in small doses.
We are made to live in these joybodies 24/7. Regardless of what’s happening around us, and you know full well, I’m not saying we won’t ever feel pain or sadness. I’ve never ever promoted any of that spiritual bypassing bullshit.
But when we do encounter inevitable grief and anger, we’ll be able to more quickly process and integrate, and we’ll have the skill of simultaneous emotional states — we’ll be able to grieve AND see and experience the good things too.