Flags, Rainbows, and Jesus: Taking Back that which Hate Wants to Steal

I was talking to Craig recently about the American flag, and that no matter how much I know it’s wrong, when I see you flying one, I assume certain things about you.

This makes my seven year old heart sad. That’s how old I was when I got to go to Betsy Ross’s house in Philly for a school trip. I LOVED that tiny house and her and the idea of her sitting there and sewing that first flag.

Symbols are more powerful than words, and right now, symbols can either send out the message that if you are different in any way, you are safe here or you are not safe.

It happens instantly.

I’ve always really disliked brightly colored rainbow stuff. I have always found it garish. But I understand now that it says “I’m with you,” and so I’ve started to embrace it in our distinctly diverse and beautiful neighborhood in this city that makes so many feel safer than the very small city I came from.

As a woman, I’ve for as long as I can remember struggled with Christianity. Let’s just say that and know that I could write BOOKS about this particular struggle.

But I also have a strongly Catholic heart… the best of it speaks to me in profound ways that nothing else can touch. Our Lady of Guadalupe. Mary’s yes. The work of mystics like Thomas Merton. St. Francis. A pope who SEEMS to understand compassion in a way we’ve not seen before. Smells and bells. Deep contemplation. Ritual. The Catholic Imagination, to use Fr. Greeley’s book title.

And yet… my GOD, the damage done, the lives hurt and lost, and now the twisted, demented, evil version of Christianity that the far right has latched onto and claimed.

It makes my heart hurt and my head feel like it could POP.

To say that the far right’s view of Christianity is antithetical to everything that Christ taught is not even close to the reality of what they have managed to do through their deformed messaging.

So when I’m reading books on this subject matter, let’s just say, if I’m out in public, I might hide their covers, lay them cover down, slide them into my bag upside down…

I don’t want anyone to feel unsafe around me. What a sad sentence that is … that I had to write that.

Gandhi looked to Christ as one of history’s greatest prophets of nonviolence, and here I am, rightfully afraid that someone will perceive violence toward them via my reading materials.

I needed to finally write about all of this because I was sitting on our front stoop today with a book about Clare of Assisi next to me. The sun was shining. I had on my “hex the patriarchy” tshirt (but the print is small…).

A young woman was stopped at my stoop by their dog, who insisted on visiting me. I laughed and told them it was fine. The dog was so pretty!

Then I realized as they walked away that they had been staring at my book and that their demeanor shifted in that moment.

It made me so sad.

That’s what all the hate in the world is doing even on a micro level.

It’s making us suspicious of one another’s very hearts.

I’m not saying we shouldn’t be. That hate is toxic and has proven itself deadly.

But I’m wondering how we can counter it with a love that is so much more powerful if we keep losing important symbols of love.

I want to take them back and recombine them with obvious symbols of love and openheartedness. I’ve seen it happening but we need MORE.

Chronic Pain is Exhausting... Duh...

I’m privileged in that not only do I have access to excellent healthcare, but I have, for large parts of my life, had extra quick access due to family connections to medicine. So this Thursday, I get to see a top rated ortho guy for my shoulder, and I am so grateful.

It has not always been like this for me, especially when I needed it most. From my late 20s until about 40, I was constantly spiraling in and out of serious depressive episodes, and when I wasn’t just trying to survive, I was still not healthy or happy. During this time, I also had constant, ever-changing chronic pain and migraines.

I believe in my case that the depression and chronic pain fed each other, growing from and then into each other, back and forth.

You might be someone who understands this enough to know then that I had little energy for anything but living.

That’s what chronic illness and pain does to you — forces you into a basic level of living, and all the while, the world around us does not allow for that in any way. You’re still expected to be a good little producer of work and maker of money. It’s a wonder that more of us do not fall through the cracks than already do.

Right now, my issue is independent of my most recent cycle of depression… or is it?

Because when we’re depressed, it’s really hard to get ourselves literally moving, and in that context, you’re simply more likely to experience pain or injury.

Then pain and injury makes you less likely to move and thus increases your depression.

It is truly a vicious downward spiral.

Which is why it’s important that we talk about it more, that we ask each other for help, that we do everything we possibly can to move something.

Move something… what the hell do I mean?

Move SOMETHING… ANYTHING.

I’ve had students with such serious knee issues that they couldn’t stand to dance and so they worked from chairs. Those students were of all ages.

I’ve worked with elders post stroke and serious illness, who danced with whatever they could in their body in a wheelchair.

And then there’s me… fighting this fight right now on a lesser level, for sure but still…

Some days, I want to just lie down and GIVE UP. Just lie down and say fuck it.

That’s the old and dangerous depression lurking, seeing its chance to pounce.

But instead, after all these years and all of this learning and all those students who worked so hard at my beckoning, I cannot give into that.

I get up and walk.

I do the movement that I CAN.

And what I can leads to what I thought I couldn’t.

Books to Deepen Your Yoga (Plus some bonus, classic yoga videos that still hold up)

Yoga is more than poses, of course. If you read here or have been around me long, I know you get that already, but I think we can still forget it…or lose track of it.

The practice of postures — hatha yoga — is just one form of yoga intended for people who learn through being physical.

It always blows my mind how wise the early creators of yoga systems were about human personality. They understood early on that there are so many different kinds of learning styles and so they accommodated them.

For example, there’s physical yoga but also the yoga of intellectual study, the yoga of devotional practices, and on and on.

The point being that the path was not and is not the destination. The destination is self knowledge that creates connection to the whole (and of course, there are so many ideas of what that “whole” is — whether it be a form of God/Goddess that is transcendent or immanent or just your best self or or or… no two lineages totally agree on this and thus so many lineages).

I am grounded in Kundalini yoga for the most part which is grounded in/from tantra yoga. Tantra is the system that makes the most sense to me on all levels. When I was about 11, I told my mother that I believe we are energy and that when we die, we return to the larger energy. Period. And that’s pretty much tantra in a nutshell. (Though, of course, it’s way more complicated than that.)

The books I’ll share are NOT just from the tantra tradition but lately I find myself getting more and more specialized in that area.

The books I’m sharing range from much easier to digest to more complicated. And yes, the tantra texts/books would be way complicated if that’s your first real deep yoga reading. They aren’t necessarily a great starting point.

I will link to them on Goodreads (and you can find me at Goodreads right here, though I’m mostly sharing fiction).

BOOKS

Anything by Stephen Cope is a great place to start, particularly the first three books on this list. He’s easy to read. His style is conversational and he’s just so… real.

Written in 1996, this is a classic. My first yoga TAPE was with Erich Schiffmann and it too holds. (HERE IT IS on YouTube. This video DEFINED yoga video aesthetics.) He’s a wonderful human (and I’ve been lucky enough to meet him and study a wee bit with him).

Most interpretations of Pantanjali’s Yoga Sutras are by men and wow… you can tell. So this translation with commentary especially for women is a breath of fresh air. It was so needed. Before this book, I was pretty much NO THANKS when it came to these particular sutras.

Sadhguru is a teacher of tantra based yoga. He’s the real deal and his first book has so much to offer. Even if you just skip his personal story stuff at the beginning, there’s so much depth.

Every yogi needs to read the Bhagavad Gita and there is no translation/commentary out there that comes close to this. (I had to link to amazon on that one to find it, but I would read ANYTHING by this man.)

My first Kundalini Yoga TAPE (yep… tape, yet again) was with Gurmukh. She’s a wonderfual wacky wise human and this little book about the chakras is always a good first place to explore these concepts. I still go back to this book now and then. (And again, here she is on YouTube.)

My first actual tantra book on the list is by the great scholar Georg Feuerstein. Seriously, you cannot go wrong when you read him. Except sometimes he can be a bit…dry. But this particular book is a great intro to tantra. Again, ready anything by him, for sure, but have coffee at hand.

There are SO MANY MORE texts but that’s enough for now.

AND please feel free to ask me for books that relate to specific areas you’d like to explore — whether those be physical, emotional, or spiritual, I’m guessing I have some idea where to point you!

I see you

I remember the very first time I saw into someone so deeply that I realized I was seeing a very young version of them. It happened during my first training at Kripalu, before I started teaching, as I witnessed a woman dancing.

That’s when I realized that this work I was about to embark upon was/is profoundly sacred.

The act of seeing another human — actually and fully seeing them — is profoundly sacred.

And when you are vulnerable enough to allow for that seeing, we are in communion together, bringing forth your truth.

I don’t think I can describe the work I do — the work we do together — any better than that last sentence.

I make the space for that bringing forth to happen by giving you the opportunity and the tools to be that vulnerable. I give you a method and a process through which you can explore yourself and all your parts and experiences… wordlessly, with no need to explain or make excuses or even to “try to understand.”

I also make space for you to process and transmute all of this, to make space for it inside yourself, to create wholeness, and to really know your strength.

If that’s not “church” or “temple” or “ritual,” I don’t know what is.

The Tricksy of Wanting to Lose Weight

Here’s the thing, in this photo of me… a few years before I met Craig… I thought I was disgusting. That’s body dysmorphia right there. I literally could not SEE what I actually, in reality looked like.

I thought I “still” needed to lose at least 20 pounds here.

First, no.

Second, why? I would tell myself it was so my “dance lines could be seen.” As if they could not already.

My mental health, just like any humans, is directly linked to my physical health. We are integrated like that.

But my weight is not part of that equation except in a results/correlation sort of way.

I must move a LOT every day to really feel like my best self, to beat the depression monster that lurks in my distracted brain.

The amount of movement that takes happens to result in a smaller body … in MY very specific case. It doesn’t work like that for everyone.

People will often think that because I encourage you to love your joybody that I am anti-weight loss.

I’m not.

I’m anti body punishment.

I’m anti self hate.

I’m anti food deprivation.

I’m anti food labeling (“good” versus “bad”).

I’m anti whatever you’re doing that is NOT joyful.

I’m not anti weight loss, but I do want you to be very clear about your weight loss goal.

Where does it come from? Is it true to your body type? Are you loving yourself? Are you moving and eating with joy and play and fun and delight at the center?

Are you living outside the constant worry about and obsession over numbers — the number on the scale, the number of the size of your pants, calorie counts, any freaking number that brings you anxiety?

How are you eating and moving lately that brings you joy? I’d love to hear.

6 Week Quickie Kundalini Yoga for Your Nervous System: Live or Recorded, Twice a Week, 20 minutes a class

NOTE: this session, live yoga will be on Wednesday and Friday, but again, you can also opt to watch the recordings after.

If your nervous system doesn’t feel pretty damn fried after the last year (four years), then I’m not sure what planet you’ve been living on, but whoa… for those of us who are feeling fried, Kundalini is here to help with that.

Kundalini is extra for brain health. With repeated movements, we’re actually working to reset and redesign brain. We’re also working on all the major glands.

Add in breath work and internal focus and you leave even a short class feeling calm but energized and focused (says this girl with the most scattered — SQUIRREL !! — brain who also has been battling depressive episodes for her whole life).

To read more about what an actual Christine-alini Kundalini yoga class looks like go here.

If you’ve never taken a ZOOM class with me, PLEASE GO HERE AND READ CAREFULLY. Pay special attention to how we handle music.

WHAT YOU GET:
ACCESS TO TWO 20 MINUTE PRACTICES A WEEK, WHICH YOU CAN WATCH LIVE OR YOU CAN WATCH THE RECORDING WHEN YOU HAVE TIME. IT’S ALL UP TO YOU.

Again, all practices will stay available to you for a week past the end of the session.

TIME ZONE: I’m in the Eastern U.S. Time Zone. For those of you for whom that might not mean much, I’m in the same time zone as New York City.

ALSO NOTE: Classes, though online, START ON TIME. You can jump in late, but I won't be waiting.

COST: $75 for SIX weeks, twice a week and unlimited access to all recordings during the session (and for one week beyond the session)
TIME: 10:30 AM (I get on about 10:20 for some chatting!)
Wednesdays: April 21, 28, and May 5, 12, 19, 26
Fridays: April 23, 30 and May 7, 14, 21, 28

April Yoga Philosophy Practice: Asteya (Nonstealing) (With a little note about where I've been...)

When I started this practice this year, I said there are 10 of these practices so we’ll have two months to review at the end of the year. HA! March got eaten up by the whole process of buying and then closing on and then moving into our new home in Columbus. If you wanna be nosey (and who doesn’t!?), it’s right here.

I cannot explain to you what a freaking miracle this purchase was. I never thought we’d find something in Victorian Village, mere blocks from the main arts district. But here we are. If you knew our home in Erie, this space is that square footage, BUT there’s an undeveloped attic space here that shows a ton of promise as an art and music space for Craig and general storage. We’re settled in and excited.

Now to begin again with our yoga inquiries…

Nonstealing seems pretty obvious, right? Don’t take what’s not yours. We tend to limit our thinking around this to the material world, to concrete objects that do not belong to us. So, most of us, can feel pretty good right away about ASTEYA… most of us can immediately say, I’m good here! I don’t steal.

But that is the most simplistic level of this yama (restraint).

Over the coming month, think about and observe yourself relative to the following questions. Try to observe and not also layer on shame. Guilt is okay; it can tell us something is off. But shame is not productive.

1. How often do you steal from YOURSELF? This one is freaking VAST, right? When we’re not true to who we are, we’re stealing. Every time we don’t honor our own needs, we’re stealing. When we give too much to others, we’re stealing from us. There is so much we steal from ourselves: energy, time, integrity, care, love, trust, faith, belief… the list could truly go on and on…

2. How often do you steal from others? Do you pop someone’s excitement balloon? Do you rain on friends’ parades? Do you not tell them something they need to know? Again… this list could take many pages.

3. How much do you steal from this earth? I can barely begin to start the list of questions here. Follow yourself through your day and just notice…. did you leave the water running? Did you drive when you could have walked? Did you waste food? Sigh…

4. Are you stealing from the future? We are someone’s ancestors. What are we leaving behind?

I would love to hear from you on this one. Even if we all just added more questions, that would be helpful to the community at large.

Dance is an Act of Rebellion

Dancing has always been an area of control for the dominant culture. Patriarchy, for example, has always equated the female body dancing with prostitution, and dancers, to this day, are statistically the most in poverty of all professionals in all arts.

Dancing is freedom. Dancing is expression of truth. Truth cannot be hidden in a dancing body.

And dancing is joy. Joy is power. Joy fuels us. Joy reminds us of who we are and that we are worthy. That is too much for the patriarchy... they want us seated and still.

@notoriouscree

Crow hop styles ##dance ##native ##nativeamerican

♬ Crow Hop - Northern Wind