Local/hybrid evening Peony Somatic Dance and local evening kundalini!

As I said previously, I’ll be adding more and more classes and workshops and opportunities to move in community over the coming weeks and months.

For October

Peony Somatic Dance will be offered locally (and you’ll get the address once you register; it’s near Liberty Plaza) but you can also take it online — live or via recording as usual.

This class will run on Thursdays from 5:45 to 6:45 PM starting on October 8th for four weeks.

More details (about arrival times whether on zoom or in person and everything else) and registration here.

And starting Monday, October 5th (4:30 to 5:30 PM) and Wednesday, October 7th (5:30 to 6:45 PM) you can now take Kundalini Yoga at Studio Surrender in downtown Erie!

The studio is BEAUTIFUL and large and just perfect. It will be my usual method of synthesizing other movement and yoga work into the Kundalini along with all the usual and wonderful breath work and great playlists of course.

Back to Erie and here come local classes!

There is no way to articulate the relief I feel being back in Erie. And through a bunch of wildly wonderful serendipities, Craig and the cats and I are in a house close to the neighborhood of my old house. It feels just right in the most Goldilocks way possible.

We got back on Monday, August 31st and moving has been exhausting, but what’s been even more exhausting has been my body releasing all the stress I’ve been carrying for a couple of years now. Though I think, really, the stress started to snowball when Peony left her fur suit five years ago this September 21st. Nothing felt right after that and that loss on top of not having my inner circles of nutbags and the lake … it was all too much. My mental health suffered more and more.

I worked ahead on projects so I could have two weeks clear of writing and teaching and I’ve been sleeping deeply and long and slowly unpacking but not too much. Craig is just now finishing his job in Columbus and will be here 100% as of this weekend. (He’s been back and forth a couple of times.)

Class updates

First, I am starting a September session of my morning shorter classes the week of September 14 (this coming week) and though that’s “online,” anyone in Erie can ask to join me in my space.

Second, I will be starting to teach two in person Kundalini yoga classes at a local studio in October. I’ll be sharing more information as that gets closer.

And third, I will be offering at least one in person Peony Somatic Dance class in October also. Just to get started. More information later this month.

Over the next few months, things will continue to build so keep an eye out here and on Facebook as usual.

And don’t forget that I have a FREE Substack, Gladiola. You don’t need an app; you can see it all via your browser. If you click on that and scroll down my main page, you’ll see more about this move and my reconnection to this place. You’ll also see a note about how much this move brought up layers of unhealed C-PTSD that I was shocked by, to say the least.

I’d love to see you or hear from you!

April Session & Some Other Stuff

First, a reminder that I’m writing deeper pieces over at my Substack, Gladiola. Subscription is free and will remain so. Once in a while a piece will be published in both spaces but rarely.

Second, if you’re less and less on the book of faces, I am trying to get more active over on Threads, Instagram, and Bluesky (though Bluesky feels too focused on politics, I’m trying to believe that there is space for the arts but I’m not sure).

Third, I’m thinking about offering a 75 minute Kundalini yoga class one Monday evening a month, if anyone is interested, I’d love to hear.

And finally, April’s four week session starts next week, the week of the 6th. Go here for registration.

Classes available this session, include:

Tuesday and Thursday, Quickie Kundalini (30 minutes) This session we’ll be focusing on the chakras, one each class.

Wednesday, Peony Somatic Dance (45 minutes). This is a morning session, though of course you can just use the videos.

Thursday, Peony Somatic Dance (60 minutes). This is the evening session but again… video.

War, Snicker Bites, and Joy

I wrote a couple of weeks ago that, for the first time in a long time, I was going to do some things for Lent. When I was more of a practicing sort of Catholic (though in my own wonky ways, as you all know), Lent was actually one of my favorite times of the year.

Which sounds like a weird thing to say but I loved the 40 days set aside for deep diving into our own inner dark caves (as a priest in Erie put it one time). This was a time for me to seriously up my daily spiritual practices and to explore the shadow sides of me that had maybe taken over a bit too much.

Over the last few years, I’ve been drowning in a sort of existential despair that has dragged me into total and complete atheism — a place that is really dangerous for my mental health. I know some people create a really happy and meaningful life as atheists. There are many paths in this life. So I’m not knocking atheism but admitting that it is harmful to my own particular psyche.

The world is too dark for me to not believe in anything. My own brain is too dark, actually. I need a place outside of myself to place and practice devotion. For me, that’s usually Our Lady of Guadalupe and other forms of Mary, but it’s also the writings of Thomas Merton and Dorothy Day and writings about Saints Francis and Claire and Hildegarde and Teresa, to name a few.

For this Lent, my first really in many years, I am doing daily morning reading and writing that is focused on this time. I’m trying to be more mindful about my own inner world.

And though I’ve not succeeded, I am, as I wrote, attempting to let go of apathy and lethargy.

Then there’s…

Sugar

This one seems silly and trite, right? Like when we were little and we would give up something we loved. Or how some people see Lent as this weird time to backdoor some toxic eating habits and maybe lose some weight.

I wanted to give up added sugar and chocolate because I was feeling like it was too much in my life. Like I was no longer in charge of it. Like it was no longer a treat.

Also, my family has a lot of diabetes so this was, for me, a reset for my health. Again, a pretty self centered Lenten practice but I felt like I needed that added motivation.

Then Craig said something to me the other day that made me stop and think. He was teasing but it hit me deeper: “What’s gonna happen at the end of Lent? Will you just eat ALL the chocolate?”

If I’m really wanting or needing a reset for my health, then this all or nothing thinking is not helpful, because eventually, I will just land back at ALL.

War and Joy

I had already reevaluated my lenten practice at about day 12, and then this vile and stupid administration decided to put the entire world at an elevated level of danger by starting a war in Western Asia (a more proper way of referring to the Middle East, which is a colonizer term).

There are a lot of reasons to be extra afraid about this war. I won’t go into that all here because that’s not what this space is for. But suffice it to say that this is way worse than is being talked about in mainstream media.

I’m paying attention but I’m also trying not to get too lost in the dark maze of frightening details about what is happening or what could happen.

Because there’s a point that that will just flatten me.

A little bit of compartmentalization can go a long way right now.

Back to sugar…

It struck me that I am living in this state of denying myself joy when we have no idea what tomorrow will bring.

That is always the case, of course, but right now, it feels more … real… more noticeable.

So here’s the conclusion I came to:

We must find bits of joy where we can right now.

For me, that’s a Snickers bite with my second small coffee after lunch. And maybe a second.

We owe ourselves good care. We owe those around us a certain level of care for ourselves too.

Most often that care looks like making sure you’re doing movement practices and spiritual practices and studying that supports your mental and emotional and physical health.

And sometimes that care looks like chocolate.

(Speaking of practices, a new session of Peony Somatic Dance and Quickie Yoga online starts next week so go here to see what’s up and to register.)

And check out my most recent Substack about my migraine journey, neurodivergence, and disability.

A few things you might have missed

I’ll get back to more regular blogs here next week, but this week has been filled with bad sleep and a lot of nightmares. I hope that’s not the same for anyone reading this.

First, I wrote another post over on my Substack, Gladiola. Remember that it’s free to subscribe and will remain so. I am doing deeper writing over there and it feels good. This current piece, Watering Begonias & Singing, is about the importance of having even just one witness when you’re little and things are hard.

Second, another session starts next week, the week of February 9th. I know online doesn’t necessarily feel the same as being in the same room, but I’m so grateful for people who are willing to tolerate that difference because the work means more to them than the tech. Our new Wednesday, 10:15 to 11 AM Peony Somatic Dance has been a successful experiment and will continue to be on the schedule.

And finally, here’s the most recent movement mantra (obviously). Last week someone let me know that they used it for their phone home screen so they’d see it and think about it all through the day. I love that!

Speaking of movement mantras… if there was ever anything I would say in classes that really hit you in a helpful or good way, I’d love to hear so I can maybe use that someday!

Is my work even needed right now?

Trust me… I spend a lot of time thinking about the necessity of my work in our current context. I question the need and if it’s trivial or even frivolous.

Thankfully I have some good people in my circles who pull me back from that.

In particular, Linda Soto (whom many of you know), said something during one of my most recent moments of despair that has stuck with me and seems the clearest YES to my work:

What I do (and what she does) is TRIAGE.

Life is really hard right now, and if you’re paying attention at all (and really, that is the most basic thing we should all be doing at this point), you’re probably often feeling really beat up. Injured. Traumatized.

And we can’t function at our highest levels from those states, and we need to be functioning from our highest levels right now. All of us. With each and every one of our gifts.

Not everyone is made to or capable of going out and protesting in the streets but we all have something that is needed.

That’s where my work comes in.

You need to take time to process. To feel. To rest. To restore. And to feel some joy in community because joy is sustaining.

As usual, I’m running Quickie Kundalini yoga and a Thursday evening Peony Somatic Dance, but I’ve also added a 45 minute Wednesday mid morning Peony class.

Go here for more info and registration.

And if you know anyone who needs this work, please pass it along.

When early chronic dieting has broken your eating intuition

Intuitive eating is great if you can actually feel when you’re hungry and feel when you’ve had enough. But those mechanisms aren’t always that clear cut or working for a wide variety of reasons, not the least of which is that we’re all different. Our brains are all different. Our reactions to food are all different.

And our eating backgrounds are all different.

If you were a girl growing up in the 1980s, you were likely constantly being put on diets. And that very much damages your relationship to food and your body.

Even when I was a size zero I was not small enough.

Only when I started to dance again in my 40s did my relationship to food and body finally become neutral, which I think is actually the healthiest relationship you can have to those things.

But over the last few years, as depression has eaten away at my healthy mindsets, it has also brought up old patterns around food and body.

And because I can’t simply intuit about food, I end up eating things that do not feel good in my body and I end up eating too much — to the point of discomfort.

Something had to change. Body and mind are one and I know from experience that to get my body back to more comfortable and more active is to then heal my mind.

So I’ve started to track my food again because of that lack of intuition.

And whoa… it’s freaking surprising.

First, I don’t ever think of myself as an emotional eater. As a matter of fact, if I’m super stressed I don’t eat.

But… I am a bored eater. I am a depressed eater.

I am constantly thinking about what food I could be putting into my mouth.

Second, the amount of food that I thought was necessary to make me feel full was way off. I knew this, as I said, because I was uncomfortable, but the amount I needed to feel full and comfortable was a lot different than I anticipated.

(I’m using this macro counter and a food scale. TO BE CLEAR: NOT to deprive myself but to recalibrate my understanding of food.)

So this is part of my journey right now. And if you need to talk about it, you can always email me or ask to be added to my group on Facebook.

And if you need to move more, I start a new 4 week session of Stim Yoga and Peony Somatic Dance online classes next week.

Introducing quickie yoga for your neurospicy brain

Or rather, introducing a reframing of quickie yoga in a way that tells its story better. We’ve been doing this work all along but now I’ll be bringing it to the forefront. Go here to register for March.

As always, these classes can be done live or with the videos on your own. And this 30 minute quickie, focused format works, I think, really well on video.

As we focus on what I’m calling “STIM YOGA for your neurospicy brain”, we’ll be bringing in a lot of the usual suspects and then some: multiple lineages of yoga, basics from primal movement, basics from systems like tai chi, somatic movement, breath work to match it all, and anything else I happen to be learning and is floating my (brain) boat. ((ha))

This is for those of us who struggle with focus, inner balance, peace, and nervous systems that tend toward anxious. You know where to find me if you have any questions.