And I’m talking to myself there as much as I’m talking to anyone reading this.
Even in the best of times (and I would say we weren’t aware how good the times were before the whole Drumpf era began)… even in the best of times, I’ve never said any of this was easy.
I have tried to be clear: even doing this thing I love more than any other thing I do, even getting my ass into my tights and putting on music and breathing and waiting and allowing for movement to arise, even that is not always easy.
There are days when it is easier, for sure, but most days it is anything but.
And living in this political hellscape has brought depression down upon my head again in ways I never thought would be possible.
So here I am, as if I am at the beginning again, except I don’t have the beginner excitement and curiosity I had the first time around, because, well, that’s just not possible.
I’ve been exploring and creating and teaching this stuff for over 17 years now. I’m not a novice anymore, and though I try to reenter beginner mind, it’s difficult, and it’s especially difficult as we are triggered every day, multiple times a day, by the evil of this administration.
But I’m trying. I’m failing but I keep trying.
I’m trying to find that enthusiasm again. I’m trying to find the joy and the awe and the whimsy.
I fail and I try; I fail and I try; and right now, that’s the best I have.
Recently I made a discovery about a shadow part of myself that I’m not totally proud of and I’m hoping that now that I know it’s there, I can stop failing quite so much. Seeing it is the first step, so go check out my most recent Substack post. And if you haven’t, subscribe because that would be awesome.