Bodies change...

These two photos are about 9 years apart. The black and white photo is the older photo and the newer photo was taken in the studio where I teach here in Columbus, OH.

I’m 46 in the first one and 55 in the second. Though this has nothing to do with age.

It has to do with time passing, yes, but it has to do with life experiences over that time passing.

During that first photo, I was in the best fitness of my life, and I was on fire with ideas and passion and energy. I hadn’t met Craig; the pandemic hadn’t happened; so much hadn’t happened. And I was in a “flying high” sort of phase of my life. I felt completely healed of any and all mental health challenges. (Yes, I was a bit naive.)

Come to the second photo and those nine years between the two feel more like a few decades. And I’m betting that most of you reading this don’t just understand that but feel much the same about this chunk of time.

My point here is that our physical bodies end up reflecting the life we’ve lived through and our internal landscape. (Stick with me.)

It’s basic cause and effect.

There were dozens of reasons, but over those nine years, I slowly stopped moving as much. I slowly stopped engaging with life in the same joyful way.

It was so very slow… like a titration of making me and my life smaller and smaller. Again, there were a lot of external reasons for this, but those reasons then fed into old internal crap, and eventually the existential depression monster took hold and would not let go.

Until maybe a year ago. And I think it was almost harder this time through than previous times because I felt such a profound sense of loss this time. Before my depression had developed in micro-bits over decades and it felt like that was simply the water I swam in.

When I got healthy, I didn’t realize what healthy could be like. It was so new to me. To have that suddenly snatched away again felt like a cruel joke.

And so with that existential depression, my already diminishing movement practices got pretty much gobbled up. I got to the point where the only time I was moving was when I was teaching. And it was easy when I was teaching to not move in new ways because I was paying attention to others.

You can see the spiral here.

And it’s really the same for most humans. Except that we don’t look to see the connections.

We blame our bad back on our age and not on the fact that we stopped moving very much decades before.

We blame our bad relationship on the other person and not on the fact that we also disengaged and stopped trying.

We hate seeing cause and effect because it leads to responsibility.

Eventually, our bodies will change, and that change will reflect so many little choices along so many years and so many unexpressed and unprocessed griefs and traumas and so many experiences that are uncountable.

The point is to notice and to understand that bodies change is not just a negative statement.

Bodies change. When I took that new photo of myself, it kinda startled me that to make that shape was kinda... difficult. It took a bunch of tries. It was frustrating. I expected to just replicate it the first try and with ease because it’s my damn body.

But bodies change. And I had not really noticed. Even though that’s my work in this world.

Bodies change. And it's often because we've changed how we are in these bodies.

Bodies can change again.

So I'll be adding a LOT more floor play into my movement work. It was a huge part of my practice back then but it hasn't been as much lately so I can't be surprised that my body has changed in this particular way.

When I started to dance again at the age of 40, my body and mind both changed COMPLETELY in nine months. I’m gonna do that again. Starting right now.

Watch me.

I started just in time...

From a recent class here in Columbus, OH.

I've added two classes at OrangeTheory to my week. This is on top of the six I teach and then the other stuff I do... like Pilates, walking, some weights, yoga, more dance, and soon tennis (as I write this here, I think we’ll be playing tennis this afternoon!!!).

These two classes though are teaching me something really important that I need people to hear but first a little context…

All through my 40s, I just kept getting physically fitter. AND mentally fitter because you CANNOT take those two things apart. Period.

Pay attention to this sentence: I was more fit in the decade of my 40s than in my entire life.

I got back all my youthful mobility and then some and got stronger than ever and more creative in my body than ever.

Then the pandemic hit, and like so many of us, I've come out the other side in a different body. One that's not quite so active. One that just feels different. (I’m not talking aesthetics here.)

After two frozen shoulders, that got even worse. I lost a lot of strength during those two years that I was trying to deal with that and then recovering.

I'm 55.

So... I start to go to Orange Theory and it hit me yesterday after class as I was walking home:

I STARTED JUST IN TIME.

I was a little startled by this thought, to say the least, but I knew in my bones that it was not an exaggeration.

Because I have lost more than I had even noticed. There are weird little things with my balance (which I will VERY QUICKLY get back). Little things in my ankles and my lateral hips (even though I do work on those things but apparently not enough).

I could EASILY blame this stuff on aging. That's what most people do.

But I KNOW that it's about UNDERUSE — because of all I just said about the pandemic and frozen shoulders.

The longer we wait, the harder it will be, peeps.

At any point, you can start to challenge that body and it WILL CHANGE.

I know this from watching elder dancers in their 70s and 80s suddenly being able to squat and come back up without touching anything. (With just my dance processes added to their lives.)

But at some point, you MUST start.

And start right where you are with no judgment.

What kind of aging do you want to have?

I'm not talking about things we can't control like illness and seriosus injury.

BUT there is SO MUCH we CAN control and when we don't take responsibility for that, it's a shame.

Again, what kind of aging do you want?

One of constant pain body and ever diminishing mobility and playfulness?

That's what our culture currently tells us is waiting for us all, but that's bullshit.

We CAN have vibrant elder years.

BUT NOW IS THE TIME TO DECIDE.

Do a wide range of things. Make sure you're including things that are uber challenging. Make sure you include PLAY.

The Unique Movement of Different Bodies

So that you can see the work of the Peony Method on DIFFERENT BODIES, I'm starting a series with long time students, Jillian Hynes and Linda L Soto where we'll demo the fundamental parts of a Peony Method class, starting, of course with the always present seated circles. (For a breakdown of the basics of this movement, see this previous video.)

The first person who watched this new video had a lot of things to say:

1. She thought she would hate hearing the breath and she LOVED it. So volume up. She said she was so used to hearing MY breath that she didn't realize how different it could be and now she feels like "oh! I could do this!"

2. She was so used to seeing ME do the movements that she wasn't sure they were for her, but after watching how different they look in different bodies, again, she feels like "oh! I could do this!"

Which is the whole point of this type of demo... to underscore what I am constantly saying: THIS IS DIFFERENT FOR EVERY SINGLE BODY and DIFFERENT IS BEAUTIFUL.

I am demoing in a chair to remind people that that too is possible.

Go here to see what else is on my YouTube channel, and don’t forget to like, comment, and subscribe to help get this work to more people who need it.

If you want to change your body...

First, let me say, I’ve been quiet. September is rough… it’s both the month of Peony’s birth and death, the 5th and the 21st. So I hit that first one and feel melancholy but then I know the other is coming. It’s been 2 years.

That said… onto the title…

If you want to change your body, I will not be someone to tell you that you “shouldn’t want that” or that you should “just accept what is.”

I want you to love you and sometimes loving includes change.

That said, the other day, someone brought up the idea that they want and need to lose weight for health and aging reasons (again, why is none of anyone’s business). They said they’re frustrated and don’t know where to even begin, so I wrote this in response and I feel like it’s a handy little list (that is also full and layered and nuanced and you have to find your own way through each of these):

The key to this is where you put your focus. It has to come from a place of joy and love. I've been here and I've done this and I've watched this approach work for a lot of people around me:

1. Eat what gives you energy. So really start to notice the AFTEREFFECTS of your food. Take your time with this. It's a lifelong sort of practice. Maybe even start a journal about it to track it.

2. MOVE FROM JOY ONLY. There is NO room for "exercise." You must find ways to move that make you feel one or more of the following: joyful, happy, laughy, curious, engaged, flowing, concentrated. (So for me? Tennis and dance. Though over the last 15 years I've learned how to transfer this approach to all sorts of movement but that takes time.)

3. KEEP IT SIMPLE AND SMALL. So with movement, think about little bursts throughout your day. Five to fifteen minutes of whatever, multiple times a day.

4. Figure out your motivators. For me? MENTAL HEALTH and DATA. So I love tracking and comparing and all of that (EXCEPT for calories or weight... I do NOT do those numbers ever), and I’m acutely aware that if I don’t move over an hour a day, my mental health will deteriorate. (That amount of time varies for each user. Ha)

5. Focus above all on feeling GOOD.

(And because this is my work... you know I do one on one sessions and this is the exact sort of stuff that I work with women on.)

JoyBody and the values that underlie your embodiment intentions

Whether we’re wanting to create a deeper sense of embodiment or we want to move more and in different ways to experience the expression of this body, it can be a huge help to understand the values underneath your intended actions.

When we understand WHY, we’re less likely to give up on the what and how. When we understand and put the WHY first, we’re more willing to experiment and to see the what and how through a lens of curiosity and playfulness.

When we understand our WHY, we’re also less likely to get caught up in blame and shame or other people’s ideas about what we “should” be doing.

This is important stuff, to say the least, and I think most people don’t spend much, if any, time thinking about it or articulating it for themselves.

I’m going to talk about mine as an example:

Value one: physical strength and flexibility = mental health. The stronger I am physically, the stronger I am mentally. Period. They are inextricably linked.

Value two: creative expression. When I’m moving more, I get more creative with movement, sure, but I get more creative in every area of my life.

Value three: connection. When I’m moving more, I’m more deeply connected to myself and therefore have better connections to others, including healthier boundaries.

When I focus on those values instead of things like “I should exercise more,” then my movement time is more meaningful and I’m better at making the best choices for myself around movement and embodiment.

For example, if I focus on my values, I don’t give up but I also don’t punish myself or forget to nurture myself with appropriate rest, nutrition, and hydration.

Those values are in the driver’s seat.

You might notice, too, that these values are not things that are exclusive to movement but can be applied in every area of my life. That’s when we know we’re at the true core of things.

If you’ve never thought of it this way, just start to take a stab at it for yourself and I’ll help where I can. (Feel free to email, FB message, or write in the Sanctuary about this.)

JoyBody: The Efficacy of Tummy Circles

I’ve had this post in mind for months, but every time I go to write it, I get totally overwhelmed because I think that this topic is rather huge. Like, I could write a short book about tummy circles. They’re that important and that effective.

So today as you read this, imagine I’m just getting started, that this is the tip of the iceberg. Part of the iceberg that’s underwater is all the stories I could tell you about how students’ bodies (and minds and spirits) have changed over time doing tummy circles fairly consistently.

Fairly consistently means many times a week, but it doesn’t necessarily mean a LOT of time. I tell people that even just one minute in each direction will create changes. And that’s the truth.

(Side note: I’m having a bit of anxiety about this even now… I KNOW after I release this out into the world, that I’ll think of tons of things that I missed. AND if you, as a practitioner, think of anything I missed, please let me know!)

I’ll be looking at this from the perspective of three of your main bodies or sheaths: physical, emotional/mental, and spiritual/woo.

The Physical Stuff

To start, tummy circles do all kinds of magic to your physical body.

• Because we do the circles in sync with the breath, they make us immediately aware of how we’ve been breathing and what we need to do to improve our breathing.

• In a more abstract way but still powerfully physical, tummy circles immediately drop us into our bodies. There are days when they actually remind us that we freaking have bodies.

• They’re great for warming up as they create some heat in the torso and get the muscles ready.

• If you have tight hips, over time tummy circles will start to naturally relax and elongate all the muscles creating the tightness. This includes and also goes for your psoas muscles.

• If you’ve never met any of the muscles in your torso (i.e., your “abs”), tummy circles plus focused breath will eventually introduce you.

• They also rock when it comes to helping with healthy digesting. If you’re feeling like you’re in a phase of hyper-digestion (to put it nicely), then simply do them much slower with much more shallow breath.

• And of course, these are great for your spinal health and mobility. In Chinese medicine, they say your true age is equal to your spinal flexibility and strength.

The Emotional/Mental Stuff

How the heck do tummy circles affect our mind and feelings? Well…

• Doing this repetitive movement with the breath quickly clears the mind. Or helps us to notice how messy it actually is up there.

• They always put us in touch with what we’re feeling. This part is extra powerful when we are first starting to do them and when we’re going through something extra challenging and have to do a bit of compartmentalizing to get through our days.

• Tummy circles are a great and gentle emotional release valve.

• They bring us right into the now. This is a big part of their magicks.

The Spiritual/Woo Stuff

Tummy circles are simultaneously working on three energy centers/chakras. Well, more like four or… all of them. ((ha))

• First chakra: of course, tummy circles ground us. Connecting us to the energy of earth and self (and when done with others, kinda plugging us into the circle, if you will).

• Second charka: the motion of the tummy circles and the breath are like water, connecting us to our inherent creativity and stirring it up. (I often get ideas during tummy circles.)

• Third chakra: when done correctly, they stoke our inner fire… the fire of will and the fire into which we can throw whatever we no longer need. (You can even imagine throwing crap into that fire as you do these.)

• Fourth chakra: they start to generate energy upward into the heart center.

• Fiftth chakra: audible breath and the motion continue to pull the energy up and into our throats.

• Sixth charka: doing tummy circles with the eyes closed, then allows the energy to be pulled up into our third eye area, stimulating the pituitary and pineal glads because…

• Seventh chakra: finally the energy reaches our crown, driving upward and connecting us to all that is before finally dipping back down into the ground and starting all over again.

The energy of the tummy circles, then, creates a multitude of differently planed spirals. You can visualize yourself sitting in the center of all of that as it emanates out from you in every direction and then gets fed back into you.

Like I said, powerful stuff.

And they are no less powerful if you do them in a chair. Over time, I would encourage you to slowly work your way toward the floor but in the meantime, the chair version is just as good.

The idea, as always, is to do old things in new ways… finding little bits of change to experiment with and to observe.

If you’re not seeing the videos in your email, here is the first and the second.

JoyBody: the collective body

The work we do under the name JoyBody doesn’t mean much if it’s just about our own individual bodies. That’s not even how humans work, right? We’re part of a larger ecosystem… or web. I am because you are. Period.

So I’ll be, here and there, highlighting communities that need our help and direct ways you can help, even just from your seat in front of this screen.

As you know, it’s pride month, and I want to highlight one part of the LGBTQIA+ community in particular: the trans community.

I’m highlighting the trans community, because I know and love some trans people, first and foremost, but secondly because I think their community is the most in need of our help right now. They are under attack in so many new and frightening ways.

I would start by getting more educated about all of this. Here’s a great article that explains the science of sex and gender and how complicated it is.

Here’s a great FAQ about gender and all the different ways one can identify and the issues that can arise (like gender dysphoria).

If you feel like you don’t have a deep enough understanding of these issues, start with what I’ve provided and then don’t be afraid to ask questions. (The sanctuary is a safe place for everyone so feel free to ask there or you can write to me directly.)

From understanding, we need to move on to action. What can we do?

Firstly, look for your own state specific organizations working on these issues. Like here, we have Equality Ohio. I follow them on TikTok to keep track of what’s happening in our state government. (It’s a lot and it’s AWFUL.)

You can always start by simply giving money to these organizations, but you can help by showing up at protests and writing emails and making phone calls. We all have comfort zones and we all have skills we can offer.

If you want to see what’s going on nationally and internationally, check out Outright International. There’s also the Trans Legal Mapping Report.

In the US, there’s the Transgender Law Center, the Equality Federation (which can help you find your state based actions), and the National Center for Transgender Equality.

JoyMoves: the obstacles are the path

“The mind adapts and converts to its own purposes the obstacle to our acting. The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.”

— Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

Or to put it more succinctly: the obstacles are the path, as I say in the heading. So freaking annoying and so true.

If the obstacles don’t become the path or the way, then you’re resisting the truth and reality of your own life and that, I think, is what we’re actually experiencing when we say things like “I’m stuck… I don’t know what to do next… I have no visions…” or even when we say things like, “I don’t have time.”

The work of the practice is devotion to the obstacles.

If we aren’t devoted to the obstacles, then we’re not devoted to the practice.

(I know… I’m even annoying myself here…)

I’m writing particularly today about your movement practice, but you know that movement is life and therefore all the things we do in our movement practices are just reflections of what’s happening our life and how we’re approaching obstacles. (SO. ANNOYING.)

Here are some simple ways to work with your obstacles instead of allowing them to rob you of the practices that support and rejuvenate you and bring you to your essential nature of joy:

1. Time: THIS ONE IS BIG. Stop telling yourself that you have to move at a certain time and stop thinking that only certain amounts of time "count." Look for opportunities that you're missing because of these stories. For example, when you're waiting on your coffee or tea in the microwave, you can stretch, wiggle, bounce. THINK MICRO MOVEMENT PLAY.

2. Space: stop telling yourself that you need a special space or a certain amount of space. Great movement can happen in the square foot right around your body, in a chair, in the car.

3. Clothing/shoes: this one is also big. You don't have to take the time to change your clothes if that's going to stop you. Do whatever *IN* whatever. (And just free your feet and work barefoot -- if you're not already.) I often work in my jeans because if I have to stop to change, I’m just not going to do it.

4. Finding music: don’t let feeling bored by music stop you. Check out my Spotify and just randomly pick a list, hit shuffle, and move no matter what.

5. Boredom with how you’re moving: this is a big one and it happens to all of us, even me. We all hit points where we just feel like we’re repeating ourselves or nothing is happening that is interesting. This is where my videos can help (which are free) or make sure you’re in the sanctuary (which is free) to ask questions and get inspiration or take a class with me or schedule a one on one.

What other obstacles are you running in to? I would love to help figure out a way to work with them.