I’m going to start using my YouTube channel to create weekly movement challenges, and each month will have a different main theme. For example, September will be all about balance. And of course, I’ll be bringing my unique blend of science and woo and dance to each topic.
What would you love to see in this series? What things are creating challenges for you lately?
If you have never responded to one of these blogs, maybe now is the time. ((smile)) Let me know what you need and want.
I’ve written about a huge insight I had about the importance of positive self talk while I was on the tennis court, but believe it or not, I think this thing I realized just the other day while playing is even more significant.
Craig and I were playing for only about ten minutes and I felt completely and utterly frustrated and defeated. To the point of almost crying. I told him I did not understand how I could play so well for days and days of practice and then suddenly look like I had barely ever picked up a racket (probably an exaggeration but not by as much as I would like).
He knew not to say a lot — or really anything. Platitudes can make me just melt down, and anything resembling even decent advice when I’m in that mindset, well, it just makes things worse. He knows I have to work it out myself.
I tried the positive self talk but it wasn’t helping as much this time. A little but it wasn’t turning my game around.
Then I remembered seeing something about watching only the ball.
You might think, Christine! Weren’t you watching the ball!?!?!?
And duh. Yes, of course I was, but “watch only the ball” is actually different.
I keep my eye on the ball. I’ve been taught that since I was little. Basic. But I realized I am also at the same time, watching the other player, watching my own self in my mind, watching the court. That’s a lot of watching. That’s too many focal points.
So I WATCHED ONLY THE BALL.
Suddenly it was like there was nothing else there to see. Everything else just kinda blurred.
From the moment the ball hit Craig’s racket, that was it.
Only. The. Ball.
INSTANTLY my game changed. It felt almost mystical. Zen like.
And it is, right?
This is the practice. Because after a couple of super focused ONLY the ball rallies, I could tell my focus would try — out of habit — to include all those other things. I would have to force myself to go back to ONLY the ball.
Each time I lost that, I started making mistakes. Each time I got back to that level of extreme focus, I was hitting wonderfully.
And of course, tennis — like dance — like anything that we dive deeply into and explore ourselves through — is a metaphor for the rest of our lives.
Watch ONLY the ball.
Where do you need that in your life?
Things are slowing down around here a bit. It’s been a bunch of months with one thing after another — lots of good things besides the awful of the world.
And right now, I feel like I have a little bit of breathing space and I’m looking forward to noticing what’s been on my mind. (When we’re busy with projects, so much goes unspoken and unwritten, at least for me.)
I’ve rediscovered my love of reading fiction and poetry and I’ve been making more time for this even in the middle of the day. I have been making a point to sit outside and take in some beautiful words. One day a younger person walking by turned back and said, “THAT is such a VIBE! Enjoy your day!” and it made me giggle.
I’m fully in “obsessed with tennis” mode and I know you are likely thinking “WHAT?!? Weren’t you already?” Sure… sure… but I’m at a whole new level. I even said to Craig the other day that I really want to get good enough to feel like I could compete and have a chance of winning in some sort of older tennis player sort of matches. (I think the USTA does stuff like that.) That just feels like a really healthy dream.
And toward that dream, I’ve gotten back into the gym to lift weights (good for you regardless of sports) and I can already tell the difference on the court only three weeks in — especially in terms of my cardio fitness.
One of our older cats, Daisy, is really slowing down, but I’m noticing how much calmer than ever I am feeling about just being there for her and not freaking the fuck out with big time stress.
Have you read anything really freaking fantastic lately? I’d love to hear about it. Especially fiction, please.
What are you doing for your physical body?
And do you have any new dreams (small or big) that you’re putting energy into?
You know my good weather months’ obsession is tennis.
Thank God Craig convinced me to start playing again just a few summers ago. I’d finally healed from two frozen shoulders (thanks, menopause), and I realized that it was ridiculous not to be playing out of some fear of getting hurt. When you can’t move your arms fully for almost two years, your perspective alters a bit ((cough)).
As I’ve said before, when I’m on the court, there is nothing else. There’s me and my racket and the ball and the court… there are lines and weather and sometimes other people but that’s it. My mind is only right there. I’m not thinking about anything but what’s right in front of me.
It is a relief, to say the least, in this world to have something like this… a refuge of sweat and heat and trying. But there is nothing truly important. Nothing scary.
That’s not to say it’s all sunshine and happiness.
Not even close. I’m intense on the court (and I’m thinking you’re thinking… where are you not?).
Let’s say it this way: I am at my MOST intense on a tennis court.
The last few times we’ve played together, Craig and I have both been consistently getting much better. There are long rallies where every hit comes with the musical (to my ears) sound of the ball hitting the sweet spot.
I’ve been hitting harder and more consistent than ever and I had finally gotten my down-the-line backhand back.
I was working more and more at the net. (Which I love… because aggressive.)
To be clear, with every miss, I am constantly analyzing what I did wrong. I am always coaching myself and I am very often coaching Craig.
I’m a teacher, right?
After all those days of improvement, I was playing horribly.
And my self talk matched that. I was analyzing and criticizing to the max.
For the first time, I think ever in my life, I almost threw my racket.
This was beyond my fun mad into real mad.
I sat for a moment to get my heart rate down and watched Craig practice some serves and I realized…
When I am teaching others, I am all about positive reinforcement. If you’ve been in class with me, you know how much I’m yelling things like “BEAUTIFUL, EVERYONE!”
And I will take a moment after a song to highlight someone doing something brand new or astonishing.
But when it comes to how I teach/deal with myself, things are always different.
I never tell myself I’m doing well — only that I could do better. (Thanks to early learning…)
So I got up from resting and immediately changed my self talk.
Over and over, I said to myself in a whisper, “You are REALLY GOOD AT THIS!” I said it like I would say it to a student or a friend or my younger self.
Then I added, “You are really good at this. You are so strong. And you have so much fucking stamina!”
Over and over and over and over…
And IMMEDIATELY, as in the FIRST shot, I started playing better… more like myself.
For our last bit of play, I never stopped talking to myself like that, and now I never will because the results were immediate and undeniable.
Now to take that off the court…
That quote has stuck with me from this video. Though almost every single sentence he drops is like a sparkling gem. This video is worth your time… more than once, I’m betting.
… I was interviewed for a podcast. (A side note: I would LOVE to do more of this… so if you know anyone looking for guests, please let me know.)
Brandi and I have been connected for a long time so it made this interview feel like two good friends getting together for coffee (or a Hello Kitty bottle full of water as was my case). And when I say a long time, I mean a long time… like well over the 15 year mark.
We were both part of the early blogging community (and I miss those days, for sure).
Brandi is starting this podcast specifically to talk to other women about being artists/creators in mid life. I was 100% on board the second she said that.
You can find more about her and her own art on her website.
And here’s our time together. Remember that you can speed up playback so you cut the time down quite a bit.
A little teaser:
It seems right to share a photo from the time I wrote the words below
Since 2016 (and we all know what I’m referring to) it has felt like time makes no sense, the world gets darker and darker, and overall, our mental health has just been on a trajectory that, well, we’d prefer were different. Maybe I’m not speaking for you, but most people in my circles feel like they are somehow less than a version of themselves that existed pre-2016.
I am less in my fit dancer body, that’s for sure. I’m less joyful and less giggley. And my god, I really do believe this timeline has aged us faster than we would have otherwise.
And on top of all of that, I actually feel less smart. Maybe it’s all the stupidity and ignorance and cruelty that has permeated our culture and it’s bound to somehow affect each and every one of us whether we are those things or not.
But when I look back at my pre-2016 memories, I sure do seem smarter. I seem more joyful even when I was going through something difficult… I could see that there was some sort of meaning to be extracted, some sort of growth I could get from it.
So when I share this, it might even make part of you mad, but I would suggest that’s the part of you (and me) that has been so deeply traumatized over the last … oh my god ALMOST DECADE living with these monsters among us.
I wrote this formula from so many years of my own experimentation, and the beauty of it is that it’s a framework but you fill in the deets.
There is no one path to health after chronic developmental trauma, from which so many unconsciously suffer. But there ARE some very basic building blocks that we KNOW help and that constitute a pretty damn good formula as far as formulas go.
First, movement. Period. You have to move every day. This is essential for basic human vitality but for someone attempting to recover their brain it becomes fundamental. We have excellent science behind what movement does for the brain, and there is, literally, nothing like it. It's imperative that you find movement that you ENJOY. Anything less will not last and will not have the results. And? Healthy movement leads to HEALTHY rest, which most people do not get. They get too much rest and it's of the not-restful variety so then they think they need more. Nope. MOVE.
Second, nutrition. Because movement every day must be supported by your nutrition. But your brain also responds to what you put in your body (duh, right? but not so much in the mainstream medical community). Play with your diet. Go in with no assumptions. See what makes you feel ALIVE and full of energy. Don't let anyone tell you to eat in any way that does not support those outcomes. Don't let anyone guilt you into any other way of eating that does not match your needs.
Third, aside from nutrition, WATER. Most people I know are dehydrated and there are some physicians who are starting to (oh, the radical!) notice that dementia is not about aging but about dehydration plus...guess what? Decreased movement.
Fourth, and this is something a lot of people don't think about: Spirituality, which is another word for Deep Connection. Find a connection to something bigger than you, bigger than the trauma, because trauma creates disconnect and makes us feel like we are special in a bad way. We're not.
Yep. That's a formula. If you did all those things EVERY DAY with intention, I guarantee (yes, I said that) that your brain and then your life would change.
All these years later, this really does hold. And please pay attention to my wording. I was super careful back then about how I said these things and it matters to this day.
Intuitive eating is great if you can actually feel when you’re hungry and feel when you’ve had enough. But those mechanisms aren’t always that clear cut or working for a wide variety of reasons, not the least of which is that we’re all different. Our brains are all different. Our reactions to food are all different.
And our eating backgrounds are all different.
If you were a girl growing up in the 1980s, you were likely constantly being put on diets. And that very much damages your relationship to food and your body.
Even when I was a size zero I was not small enough.
Only when I started to dance again in my 40s did my relationship to food and body finally become neutral, which I think is actually the healthiest relationship you can have to those things.
But over the last few years, as depression has eaten away at my healthy mindsets, it has also brought up old patterns around food and body.
And because I can’t simply intuit about food, I end up eating things that do not feel good in my body and I end up eating too much — to the point of discomfort.
Something had to change. Body and mind are one and I know from experience that to get my body back to more comfortable and more active is to then heal my mind.
So I’ve started to track my food again because of that lack of intuition.
And whoa… it’s freaking surprising.
First, I don’t ever think of myself as an emotional eater. As a matter of fact, if I’m super stressed I don’t eat.
But… I am a bored eater. I am a depressed eater.
I am constantly thinking about what food I could be putting into my mouth.
Second, the amount of food that I thought was necessary to make me feel full was way off. I knew this, as I said, because I was uncomfortable, but the amount I needed to feel full and comfortable was a lot different than I anticipated.
(I’m using this macro counter and a food scale. TO BE CLEAR: NOT to deprive myself but to recalibrate my understanding of food.)
So this is part of my journey right now. And if you need to talk about it, you can always email me or ask to be added to my group on Facebook.
And if you need to move more, I start a new 4 week session of Stim Yoga and Peony Somatic Dance online classes next week.