I hate running so why am I doing it?

I’m not. I’m not technically running. I’m slow jogging, which is a very different thing.

But first… WHY? I’ve been uber clear about how much I hate running. It just doesn’t feel good in my body. But a couple of years ago, I think it was that long, I heard about this concept of slow jogging and I watched a video and thought it made sense. Still… wasn’t interested.

Then along comes tennis and one of my biggest issues is my legs aren’t fast enough. (My cardio also sucked the first couple of times but that improved quickly.)

I knew I needed something to support not just my tennis but the things I envision for my dance work in the coming years.

So the other day, I was on my desk treadmill and some good music was playing and I wanted to go faster but I was barefoot. I turned up my speed and found myself very naturally… slow jogging.

I looked up more videos, and yep, my body, in bare feet at just the right speed, had naturally done the technique correctly.

You keep everything low like walking, back straight up, land on the balls of your feet, and don’t try to kick the ground away.

You should be able to talk or sing quite easily or you’re going too fast.

There are a ton of benefits but just a few to start:

1. This is super kind to your joints. Unlike with full out jogging/running, you’re very unlikely to injure yourself.

2. It still gives you all the aerobic advantages while also…

3. Preparing you to go faster (if that’s a goal).

4. And for women in peri/menopause, this is great for our freaking hormones and metabolism.

Right now I’m starting small and easy, only going for about ten minutes at a time on my treadmill in bare feet.

Over time, I’ll add longer bits, but this is perfection. I FEEL FANTASTIC after but don’t feel gross or out of breath. It’s the perfect balance of ease and challenge!

Here’s a video about all of this, but even just watching the beginning (wait until the woman in pink joins him), you’ll see the technique pretty clearly.

Another way to get going is to do one minute of this, then one minute of walking, and so on. (Slow jogging intervals.)

Tennis came to teach me all the things I have been forgetting

My favorite tennis partner

Where to begin… I haven’t played tennis since my late 20s and now I’m 53.

When Craig and I were first dating, he used to say to me that he thought it would be fun if we could be a runner couple. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

No.

If you know me well enough, you are laughing along with me. I hate running. I did a running experiment for a while and I accomplished my goal — to run a straight mile without stopping or feeling like I was going to die — and then I stopped. Just like that. Because like I said, I hate running.

But that said, I understood what he wanted: something we could do together. Beyond going to the gym or practicing pilates at home. Something more… engaging.

So he started asking me to play tennis, knowing I had played when I was younger. I had been thinking about it for quite some time before I even met him, but I always decided no because dance was(is) my life and I thought, why do something during which I could get injured and be limited in my dancing?

But then I had two frozen shoulders over the course of the last year or so. Due to no sudden injury. They just… happened (which they can). I got shots but not surgery and I worked my ass off by myself with not PT besides my own PT to get my shoulders back in working order.

Every. Single. Day.

One is 100% better and the other lingers around 95% (but I know that will also get to 100).

And then suddenly, one morning not too long ago, I announced to him out of the blue that we would be buying rackets that day. (This is often how I function. Seemingly suddenly but there’s been a lot going on in the background.)

I have loved the sport of tennis since I was a tiny girl, sitting just outside the fence, watching her father play. (He was truly gifted. For real.) I would sit with the big red thermos (you probably had one like it), and just watch … for hours.

When I got to be about 8, I think, he would then let me hit a few balls when he was done, and so it started.

I got on the boys’ tennis team in high school because there was no girls’ team and so they had to let me try out and I succeeded. But I never got as good as I could have because I didn’t work hard. I half assed. (That’s another and longer story.)

Around the age of 23, I was playing tennis at a court at Penn State Behrend and the tennis coach got all excited, thinking I was a student, and telling me he could probably get me some scholarship money. He had seen me rush the net and play hard, something that was rare for him to see in those days from a female player.

Alas, I was no longer a student but the memory is a loved one, for sure.

Fast forward to about a month ago, we got our rackets, and got home late, so we waited until the next day to go play.

I was so freaking nervous. I have serious public performance anxiety with everything BUT dance. I hate people seeing me struggle. (Another long story right there.)

I told him, “If there are a lot of people already playing, I’m not playing. You can just practice serving.” He was okay with that.

There were a lot of people playing. But I got on the court and the second I bounced the ball, I was in it.

And I kinda sucked. OF COURSE I DID. It’s been about 25 years. But I also kinda… didn’t.

We play about three times a week and here’s the point of this long blog… I am relearning all the things that dance taught me at the age of 40.

First, play is the most important thing we can do for our mental health. Do something you love but here’s the kicker… do something that makes you LAUGH. I LAUGH a lot on the court.

But also? Do something that you love that brings out your inner “warrior.” I growl and yell on the court just as much as I laugh. Guess what? I am having just as much fun whichever I am doing.

Second, when I am moving on the tennis court, there is NOTHING ELSE IN MY WORLD. And in those moments, I am ABSOLUTELY FREE.

Dance taught me that at 40 and I was a bit shocked when I realized that tennis was teaching me the same lesson. Again, do the things you love… the physical things… because it is this level of embodiment that brings us into a state of total alignment with ourselves and this life.

Third, I am built to move. So are you. So are all of us. But I am really really built to move. I mean, there is no depression, no anxiety, no anything but the true me when I am moving. (Again, same for you. You just need to find right things.)

Fourth, I love life when and after I move. Because we are bags of chemicals and movement stirs up all the good ones.

I’m sure there’s more but that’s enough for now.

Go play! Now!

Why Slow?

““The times are urgent; let us slow down.””

— — Bayo Akomolafe

When we practice slow in the Peony Method, it's not just to practice being physically slow. Though it is that to some degree, as slower physical practices are, truly, more challenging.

Why? To start, you can’t “cheat” with momentum. Going slowly, you’ll also feel more — including if you’re pushing past a limit of some sort that could lead to injury.

You’re also able to observe your body’s strengths and deficiencies more closely.

If you DO have an injury, you can take your time working around it… flirting with its edges, deciding what to work with and what to let rest.

Slow practices also allow more focus on good breath work but also on different types of breath work. (If you’ve been in my classes, one example would be when we only move during suspended inhales or exhales.)

But beyond all of this (and I’ve really only started to touch on the physical advantages of slow), the slow in the Peony Method is about the emotional/mental/spiritual aspects of your BodyMind.

We hear our body’s messages more clearly. We hear where things might be stuck — whether old trauma, recent grief, or any emotion that is in need of your attention. It’s all in the body, of course.

We hear our heart's truth better when we slow down. The heart can speak in whispers and our busy, chaotic world is often too much for it.

We hear/feel our connections when we’re slower — whether to ourselves, our wiser self, something bigger, each other.

Truth, wisdom, the next move, the right idea… it all has the space it needs to arise and get your attention when we’re moving slowly.

This is not to say that faster movement doesn’t have its own set of pros. But our culture — including our movement culture — prizes FASTER, BIGGER, BETTER.

The Peony Method is the antidote to all of that.

Empathy isn't just for the hard stuff...

(I wish I could find the study I was reading because it was important but you know how … SQUIRREL!… And I’ve tried to find it again and just can’t. If I do find it some day, I’ll come back to this and update it.)

Onward… I was reading a study recently that came to the conclusion that perhaps — perhaps — almost 50% of the human population lacks the brain connections for true empathy.

Read that and weep. Or not.

If that stat is even close to true, it explains a lot about our world. It explains a lot about the seemingly endless struggle between people who focus on their own concerns and those who wish to better the world for everyone. (To put it all in compact and polite terms.)

That’s the macro look at it, but on the micro level, it can explain struggles we have with family and friends and even strangers when it comes to understanding motivations, the extension (or not) of care, the tangles we get in to over expectations, and on and on.

We are truly playing with different decks.

But with all of that, I bet in your mind, you’ve been focusing on the idea of empathy around difficult challenges.

There’s more to empathy than that and I’ve always sensed it but didn’t have the language for it.

It’s something I have been conscious of doing in my work since the beginning. I intuited that a huge part of what I do is really about making space for people to feel their feelings including BIG JOY.

That picture at the top… I love that moment between the two women on the right (Mara and Julie). They aren’t talking. They are simply finding shared joy in their playful embodiment.

Turns out there is language for this: Empathic Joy.

You can listen to a short podcast about the science of it right here.

Science, schmience… as usual it comes from an ancient philosophical/”religious” system: Buddhism.

And in Buddhism, it’s a practice. Of course, it is.

Mudita: sympathetic or unselfish joy, or joy in the good fortune of others. In Buddhism, mudita is significant as one of the Four Immeasurables.

(The other four immeasurables are: love, compassion, and equanimity. You can read more about them all over here.)

When someone gives us good news, do we start to think about our own lack of good news or are we just totally present to them, reflecting their experience back to them?

When we see a happy person out in the world, does that make us feel grouchy or judgy? Or do we take the opportunity to feel good with and for them?

This is the practice: all day long, watching for those moments of knee-jerk reactions that are grounded in jealousy or malice and checking them and replacing them.

I love this.

The body is the mind

I’ve been wanting to write about this for some time now but I kept stopping myself because it feels more like a book than a blog post. I finally decided it’s better to at least start getting these ideas down somewhere so here we are.

We’ve been seeing and saying the words “body, mind, and spirit” for so long, and we’re starting to wake up to the fact that that is the start of the problem: this idea that those three things are somehow separate.

Most western religions believe in some level of duality, as does most of what passes for “spirituality” and “wellness” today.

People speak of their meat suits as if they are somehow separate from them.

They are not. We are not.

Whatever you believe about what happens after you exist on this material plane, you don’t actually know. (Belief is not knowing no matter how much we want it to be.)

So starting there, we can assume that the body is us. This is the experience we are having, regardless of what — if anything — comes next.

And if anything does come next, I will still assert body’s primacy. Firstly, if we are somehow “other spirit,” there is something important about embodiment or why is it bothered with? Secondly, whatever comes next could simply be seen as evolutionary in nature and not separate from what came before. Again, it will be body that gets us wherever we are going.

All of that said…

“Mind” is the word we often use when we’re talking about some sort of higher/wiser knowing that we can feel (FEEL) does not come simply from brain — brain being an organ like any other.

But we are deceived by this language. Mind and body are not just one as in intertwined but they are one as in the same thing.

Here’s how it works:

Body is constantly receiving information and input from the world beyond your skin but also, of course, from everything within that skin.

Body is the antenna, if you will.

But then body also decides what to do with that information/input and to whom it might be delegated internally.

So body is simultaneously the processor of all the data.

After that, of course, body does what body does — it takes action; it remembers; it represses; it stores, and on and on.

All of this is happening to you all of the time in the background and in the foreground, depending on your awareness and your capacity for noticing (which can be increased consciously).

Every time you think you have “intuited” something, you have actually just received informative conclusions that have come from all of this receiving and processing that you are not aware of you. You can’t be. You would go insane.

(This also explains the difficulties that people with sensory processing disorders are living. They ARE aware of TOO MUCH and/or too little.)

Every time you think the “universe has granted you an answer/idea/etc.,” you have actually simply received that from yourself.

For example, you suddenly get a big new creative idea. You think suddenly because you’ve not been aware of all that data collecting that body has been up to and the storage it has assigned to brain and the background “thinking” that has been going on until you took that shower and yelled “AH-HA!”

You did that. It’s no Great Mystery but it is mysteriously beautiful in that we don’t totally understand the power and capabilities and wonder that these bodies and the wider ecology they exist in really have.

Another example: You know someone is an asshole the first time you meet them and you think that’s because you’re “empathic.”

Nope. Your body just happens to be extra damn amazing at collecting data like micro expressions, tone, etc. that other bodies may be missing.

What does this all mean?

It means that the more you are in your body, the more you practice listening to your body in its fullness, that the more your sense of self will grow. Your sense of agency in your life will expand the more you clear the static from your antenna. Your emotional health will increase as you defrag your processing.

It means that your body is the key to everything and that any kind of denial of that fact will only increase difficulty, challenge, and pain.

And no matter where you are in your body’s journey, its capacity for this clearing and defraging (the best metaphors I could come up with right now…) is always there but we must stop trying to “transcend.” That will happen quite naturally and eventually for all of us.

Dance is NOT exercise

No matter how much I talk and write about this, the wider culture’s use of dance is louder than me, so I guess I’ll simply be saying variations of this for the rest of my life. ((ha))

This is something I wrote recently on my linkedin (and it’s followed by another clarification so jump ahead if you’ve already seen this italicized part):

I just saw someone, on a trauma related post, write "exercise/dance," and it made me wince.

To start, I can't stand the word or idea of exercise. Our culture has turned it into half/part of various punishment equations (and these are just off the top of my head):

Exercise = being allowed to eat something yummy

Exercise x Self Denial = being a size that we find acceptable

Exercise x a lot of luck related variables = health as a virtue

To equate dance with any of that just makes me grrrr...

Because the dance world is already steeped in self abusive behaviors and the encouragement of self hatred if you don't meet certain criteria.

Beyond that, our wider culture has turned dance into something only done by certain bodies in certain ways.

Or we think of it as something that we do publicly if we've had enough to drink.

Dance is a sacred human endeavor meant for expression and connection. Period.

Dance is literally in our genes, as it was the first way -- along with drumming and fire -- that we made ritual.

It was also, very likely, how we came together and created the illusion of something larger to scare off threats.

It is written into us to move to music and sound and with others.

And THAT is why it's so damn effective when treating/healing/exploring trauma.

I rarely use the word “dance” when I’m talking about The Peony Method because there’s so much about that word that can trigger so many humans, including really negative experiences with dance teachers in childhood.

So I often say movement or movement art, but we are dancing, just as the whole universe dances itself into and out of the cycles of destruction and construction over and over and over…

But there are MASSIVE differences between what I do and what most people think of when they hear the word dance, and there are just as huge differences between what I do and what a lot of what’s called “conscious dance” looks like.

We are never dancing or moving to check out or to “transcend.” We are moving to become more awake and to bring more awareness to this bodily experience life. We are moving to feel and to process and to open.

This really is the piece most people are missing if they are doing talk therapy. Talk all you want but eventually you have to come face to face with your lack of embodiment and you have to become embodied to move forward and grow.

If we really want healing and freedom, the body is the way, and you must be willing to move this body in the way it is crying/screaming/asking to move. And that won’t look like anything anyone else has ever done.

In that context, I give you “structure without stricture.”

This photo shows what I mean by "structure without stricture." Each person in this photo is both listening to the same music AND responding to the same exact prompt...

This is a practice that meets you where you are, day to day, and evolves with you over time. The Peony Method is freedom.

Aging, user error, and movement play

A lot (not all) of what we refer to as "aging" could actually be categorized as user error. And again, I'm not talking about complicated process like disease, illness, injury, but the typical things we blame on aging.

We don't pay attention to water intake. There are physicians who would corroborate that a lot of our issues are around dehydration, from what happens with our skin to fatigue to brain fog/memory issues.

We stop moving so we stop being able to move. We say things like, “if I get down on the floor, I can’t get back up… age!” No. Did you spend any time on the floor before this age? So many just don’t. Stop relying on all that furniture; make friends with the floor and the ground.

We start seeing the cumulative effects of bad choices from earlier in life that we thought were okay because nothing bad was happening immediately. Everything from overeating sugars, etc., to drinking every day, to smoking, to never ever picking up a weight or trying to squat or or or... We say “my numbers are great!” until they aren’t and then what? AGE! But really in so many cases? Our choices.

Even the inches thing — we think it’s inevitable that we SHRINK! But as I’ve mentioned before, I have had elder dancers regain inches — INCHES — after mere months of this work.

Here's what I've observed from years of working with humans over 65 (and many other humans who were younger but already feeling effects that looked like aging):

It's never too late to start feeling better.

And as my elder dancer Betty would say, "tell people it's also never TOO EARLY, Christine!"

To be clear, this isn’t about “exercising” and it’s not about sweating your ass off (though that might happen here and there): it’s about joyful, flowing, natural, inquisitive movement in community.

It’s the sort of thing we should all be doing from day one and it’s the sort of thing that we naturally keep doing because it’s so easeful and calming and smiley. And it becomes, over time, the space where we process everything, the space where we honor and pray, the space where we rejuvenate and relax, the space where we connect to self and all and everything.

If you're stuck, as I was...

IMPORTANT QUESTION AT THE END (and I would love to hear from MANY OF YOU):

There aren't enough words to describe how much giving into the joy of another kitten has changed my life.

The guilt I was feeling that kept me from moving on with this any faster is just gone. Because joy is never something to feel guilty about and once I entered into it again, I knew this on a cellular level.

Grief makes us forget ourselves; it makes us lose sight; it lies to us about the love that is still possible.

And I'm thinking about how this is related to how SHIT the world is right now...

Yes, the world is shit. But are you contributing to it by resisting the beauty and love and joy and peace that you CAN find/have/make?

I keep going back to my Holocaust studies and I keep going back to that time I presented a paper at a Holocaust conference in New Jersey. I was the youngest person there by far at about 25.

At lunch, it turned out I was sitting next to an older woman with a number tattoo.

What was stunning is that I would have never ever guessed she would have that tattoo because she was so SMILEY. She was so happy to have someone my age there. She was just radiating JOY.

It strikes me... people who go through the WORST are often the most joyful.

And I think that's the lesson we all need right now... that we CANNOT give up these aspects/pursuits in life.

As I've said before, the AWFUL PEOPLE DOING THE AWFUL... they NEVER waiver.

What if WE never waivered in bringing forth JOY and BEAUTY and PEACE?

There is room for grief but I'm afraid that I (and maybe you?) have spent too long in it and are stuck and wallowing. Then I got that kitten...

So what thing could you do to break free of it and move in the other direction? This is not a rhetorical question. COMMIT TO SOMETHING by leaving a comment or writing to me privately.