Open Hearted is Warrior Badass

I’m gonna say it… life freaking sucks right now. I mean, really, even if you yourself are doing okay, the world is BLEEDING. People are SUFFERING. And it all feels so damn intentional so that adds more layers to the shit cake, ya know?

If you suffer from mental illnesses, it’s highly likely that they’ve been exacerbated many times over. Take me for example, I was off all of my antidepressant medications, but I recently decided it would be smart and compassionate to put myself back on the one that’s easier to get on and off of. I can already tell a difference. I’m still doing ALL THE DAMN THINGS besides that but I definitely needed more help.

And WHY would I deny myself necessary help? We are still very stuck in a paradigm that pushes toxic independence above all else, aren’t we?

But we humans are built for interdependence: Healthy reliance on community. Support networks that we can count on. Love. Compassion. Empathy. Witnesses to our joys and pains.

To be intertwined in that kind of human experience, though, we have to be open hearted.

Toxic independence and illnesses like depression create closed hearts.

So we have to work on this. It’s not just a matter of saying “my heart is open now.”

Every day we have to re/build that open heart. Tend to it. Be tender with it. Feed it the things it needs. And we have to be courageous.

When I was experiencing a very healthy and open hearted time in my life, looking back, I can now see that I worked my BUTT OFF to get there.

Everything I did was part of this goal of living an open hearted life. Everything.

I realized a while ago, wow, I barely do a THING anymore for my heart. I just push through days. I push through tasks. I do the exercise but I don’t FEEL the music.

This is changing, of course, or I would not be able to write about this… I’d still be rather unconscious.

And let me whine it out here, please and thank you: IT IS SO HARD!!!!

It’s hard to step off the hamster wheel.

I’m working on it and I’m here to help you too if you need any help. Just message me on Facebook; write me an email; join our private group Embodiment Sanctuary. Whatever works for you. But start by stepping into some interdependence.

If you REALLY believe mind and body are one: the #IamaBagofChemicals free monthlong challenge

Eleven years ago, I started to dance again, and it changed my entire life. In about six to 9 months it changed EVERYTHING.

After suffering from chronic, absolutely debilitating, and life-threatening depression cycles for over a decade, I suddenly was… not. The second I started to dance, this started to happen.

I was made to dance. We all are. But it was my extra special something. Yours might be hiking or cycling. Whatever it is, if it’s meant to save your brain from itself, it also will often look rather vigorous. 

I was committed once I felt the results, and I worked hard every single day because that’s what it took for me not to hate life to the point of not wanting to live.

Two to 3 hours of vigorous a day was my goal. 

No meds. They’d been awful to me at the onset and I never looked back (until recently but that’s another story).

Just hard work. Harder than most people want it to be, truth be told.

As I was doing this ALL FOR MY BRAIN, my body started to change. Duh.

In that 6 to 9 month period, I dropped about 5 sizes. Yep. That’s what the picture is for. This photo was taken 4 years ago. Around the time I met my now husband. 

By that point in my journey, I was downright HAPPY.

I was FITTER than I’d ever been but more importantly I felt ALIVE and CREATIVE in my body. I felt connected. I felt openhearted.

I felt more human than I ever thought possible.

I felt JOYFUL.

Fast-forward from that photo to about 2 years ago when I was thrown into a serious existential depression about life’s meaning and purpose following a complex set of circumstances including my father having a horrible stroke.

I stopped moving.

My mind got sluggish.

The chemicals started to work against me again.

And as was inevitable, my body started to change.

When it changed the first time around, it was a side effect of doing what needed to be done for my brain.

This time around, it was a side effect of NOT doing what needed to be done for my brain.

See that?

I’ve NEVER EVER used dance to “lose weight” or to “get strong physically” or any other reason totally about the body and aesthetics.

I move because it is a human imperative to move. It’s written into our genes. It’s the action of our entire selves right now to the cells themselves.

If you think you’re happy right now, for example, but you’re NOT moving, I guarantee there are happiness planes you’ve never seen before.

We are built to MOVE.

Period.

Our brain chemistry, our hearts, our lymph systems and on and on… none of it works OPTIMALLY if we aren’t moving. EVERY. DAY.

THIS is the mind body spirit connection that people love to babble on about.

But it’s much more real and more concrete than most like to admit. The spiritual wellness community loves to talk about this in the abstract.

No abstractions here.

MOVE or don’t be the YOU you were BUILT to be.

So for the month of July, every day, I’ll be running a free challenge to help you CHANGE YOUR BRAIN.

YOU are a BAG OF CHEMICALS and in one month, you can experience that like you never have before.

But it’s HARD.

So I need support to get going again. I’ve started a BIT but I need BIG.

If you ask, I’ll add you to a PRIVATE CLOSED Facebook group, where I’ll start two conversation threads a day: one where we can share wins/successes with words, photos, videos and another where we can share challenges/issues with the same.

I’m not there to teach you. I’m there to be in circle with you as we do this together.

I’m HERE on Facebook. Friend me first and then let me know you wanna work in this lab with me and others.