JoyBody: Sometimes healing is about not healing

My new racket which is such a beauty: Babolat Pure Drive

Continuing this week’s explanation of our new blog categories, today’s is JoyBody. Of course. But this is more than it appears at first glance.

When I say JoyBody, sometimes I will mean a singular experience of our individual bodies. (Today’s post is very much along those lines.) But often I will mean our communal body and things affecting the larger ecosystem in which we all live.

Singular JoyBody only exists in relation to all other JoyBodies and all of that only exists in relation to the larger eco/social/cultural/familial systems. We work on ourselves in what seems to be individual ways but in reality is always connected — in process and/or outcome — to the collective and its context.

Onto today’s musings:

From the time I was quite young, I had someone whom I adored make it clear to me that my thighs were… too much. I was only about 10 the first time this happened in a very direct, said to my face kind of way, and it was painful and confusing, to say the least. I remember just standing there in my favorite yellow shorts wondering what it all meant.

From that day forward, I was always conscious of my thighs. And I continue to be to this day.

I've worked so hard on so many levels of CRAP but this one... it's like a tap root.

So I don't wear anything shorter than right below my knees. Been like this forever. And it has nothing to do with the size or shape of my body. I have ranged from a size two to a 14 and no matter what... no thighs shown.

So recently I went shopping, thinking I should*/could confront this and find some shorter things especially for tennis. There's a ton of cute skorts out there right now. And playing tennis is a HOT thing to do and I’ve always wanted to be that tennis dress wearing girl. Currently, I wear right below the knees yoga pants on the court and they are okay but also so freaking warm.

(*Always, always beware the word should.)

Off I went shopping. I tried on a couple of skorts that were perfect for tennis, and even though I was deep breathing in the fitting room, I just COULD. NOT.

So then there's THAT layer of shame, right? "What is wrong with me? I work so hard on trauma and help others with body based trauma? WHY CAN'T I GET OVER THIS?"

That's what I refer to as "adding shit icing to an already shit cake."

NO.

What's another way to look at this then? I think I figured something out...

Here's part of what it means to love yourself and love your body:

Wear things that MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD. Wear things that MAKE YOU FEEL CONFIDENT AND COMFORTABLE.

Period. There's no magic measure of "you only are healed if you show this much of yourself publicly." That's bullshit.

Wear things that make you love your life and give you the ability to focus on joyful things.

And finally: we can only heal what's READY to be healed and in the meantime? HUGE SELF COMPASSION AND PATIENCE is the path.

When I shared this story with people in the sanctuary, someone mentioned a story about their therapist saying the most helpful thing ever: Sometimes healing is just making space for the thing that might not ever “heal” to the place where we imagine it “should.”

Amen.

JoyMoves: Stop with the efficiency!

When I wrote Blisschick starting, god, what? 18 years ago?!?!, I challenged myself to post 7 days a week for a full year (which I did and then I transitioned to five days a week and kept that up for quite a long time). To help with this challenge, I created categories for each day so that I had a built-in prompt for myself.

I’ve decided to do that here, so Mondays are JoyMoves day. You’ll see as we go what comes next. ((coy))

Mondays are for biomechanics, body stuff, relevant research that I come across, my own teaching materials, etc. You get it.

TODAY I want to talk about something that Dr. Susan Burwash (OT) wrote a bit about in a comment in the Sanctuary: efficiency and how she has come to realize that spending so many decades aiming toward efficiency of movement has led to… LESS MOVEMENT.

Of course, right? But we don’t see it until we see it.

Katy Bowman has written a ton about this, of course, and how modern conveniences, or any kind of convenience regardless of when it was developed, and our ideas of comfort are just things that have stolen a ton of fundamental human movement from our lives and inserted a lot of pain. (Her newest book is a great reminder for those of us who have been following her for a long time or a great intro if you’re new to her.)

Most of us end up working jobs to pay for those conveniences and comforts from a place of… convenience and comfort. You know… desk jockeys.

I’ve talked about this for years but there are simple ways we can start moving this particular needle and I would love to hear ideas from all of you, so I’ll start a tiny list:

• Park farther away from the store you’ve driven to;

• If you can, walk or ride a bike for errands;

• Don’t try to carry every single grocery bag in from the car in one trip — do multiple trips;

• Same for getting things from different parts of the house — don’t try to do it all at once;

• If you can, hang clothes out in the summer months (all that reaching overhead!);

• Spend time washing some dishes by hand (there’s nothing quite like the meditation of it if you can slow down and just enjoy the process);

• Do things SLOWER (this is a big theme for me that last few years as I’m sure you’ve noticed): walk slower, move from task to task slower, eat slower, etc.;

• Squat for a bit (you can do this assisted by a yoga block under your bum; it still “counts”) when you’re watching TV;

• Stretch when you’re watching TV;

• DO SOMETHING with your body if you’re watching TV (I lift weights and do pilates and some fundamental joint work);

• Find ways to fidget when you do have to be seated at a desk (bounce your legs, for example);

• Have an adjustable desk and make sure to spend time in different positions (even just changing your seat counts);

• Take stairs when they’re available instead of elevators and escalators.

Okay… your turn. You can respond to this or write me a note on Facebook… but I would love more ideas!

Two Free Invites: Brains and Disco (It will make sense in a minute...)

Recently I’ve started two new habits/groups of sorts and I’ve started them small (and actually VERY small with the disco) so I could see how it would go and then open it up to more of you lovely humans.

First up, BRAINS! If you are a person with any kind of, what we call now, neurodivergence, we would love to have you in our private Facebook group, Beautiful Brains.

I realized I was constantly coming across information and videos and my own schtuff and I didn’t want it to overwhelm the JoyBody Sanctuary, so it definitely needed its own space. We have just under 40 members now, and the conversations are so helpful. It feels good to know we’re not alone in our different way of engaging with the world and the different ways our brains process.

This group would include anyone on any kind of spectrum, Autism, ADHD, OCD, C-PTSD, etc. And often, of course, with different brains, there’s lots of comorbidity.

Send me a note either here or on Facebook and tell me you want in and I’ll get you set up.

Second, DICSO! In order to get myself to move more on days I don’t teach, I knew I needed some body doubling help. I found a perfect companion and we got started and then we quite naturally added about 3 other people. Not everyone shows up each time but it’s enough to keep us going.

We only do this on Wednesdays and Fridays. We meet on zoom at 9 AM (Eastern) and we are each trying to stay on for about 30 minutes. We don’t talk. We just wave to each other and get started. (We all have video on because that’s part of the helpfulness but we’re all muted because we’re each doing our own music and our own movement.)

Again, let me know if you want to be included. This is a no pressure sort of group… both of them actually.

The efficacy of fidgeting (and more free videos)

If you know me, you know I am constantly reading and watching videos about the bodymind and trauma and healing and overall fitness (meaning, for me, the confluence of mind, body, spirit), but then I don’t always remember WHERE I get stuff so I apologize for the lack of sources here but whatevs.

There are some new studies out there that are showing that fidgeting can be super helpful in activating a more effective metabolism.

The one study is about simply doing heel lifts when you’re seated. Crazy stuff. They’re called “soleus pushups.”

But little bits of movement throughout the day — and I mean LITTLE BITS — can help long term with overall health.

Turns out fidgeting is good for you. (Though perhaps annoying for the person sitting next to you on the couch… ((cough)) ha)

Here are some things I’m playing with that aren’t exactly fidgeting but are along those lines because I’m doing them quickly and not for more than 30 or 60 seconds at a time:

1. If you’re having to sit for a long time, do those soleus pushups but also do some joint circles — wrists, for one, and shoulders and ankles are easy to do in a chair and to do in these tiny bits I keep mentioning.

2. When I walk past a certain wall toward the kitchen, I try to stop and do just a few wall pushups.

3. When I’m waiting for tea water to boil or whatever, I do a bunch of rises on the balls of my feet (releves) from different foot positions.

4. Sometimes on the couch, I do a ton of weird leg stretches… like a cat!

5. I’m trying to add in brief wall sits when I pass other walls in the house.

6. I’m also trying to remember to put my fingertips on the edge of the door frame and do a weighted drop (not lifting my feet off the ground to hang totally yet because of the shoulder stuff I’m still healing from).

7. You could have a squeezy ball at your desk to just, well, squeeze, because grip is super important to dynamic aging.

8. I also have some actual fidget toys that keep my fingers moving when I’m watching TV.

If you have other ideas, I’d love to hear!

AND in case you missed it, a recent video I made is about some simple movement to do to work with anger, frustration, stuckness, grief, etc.

Remember, if you like the content, please react to it on YouTube with a thumbs up or comment, and don’t forget to subscribe to my channel.

Young Bjork speaking wisdom

I came across this on TikTok a couple of weeks ago, and it’s stayed in my head, so I figure others need it too.

She’s NOT insulting Madonna but speaking some deep truth about instinct versus intellect. Wait until the very end when she talks about the age of your brain versus the age of your instinct… it made me go, WHOA… (This video is about a minute long… you have time.)

New, free joint health video

I can’t believe it’s already March. I’m not sure where February went… perhaps under the stove with all the kitten toys.

I think time has also been eaten a lot by my singing practice but this post isn’t about that. (Though if you know me, you know it’s hard for me not to talk about my current and most special interest. HA)

((pushing my brain on topic…)) So! If you have joint pain or stiffness for any reason, this video is for you.

Since I’ve entered menopause and I think, too, since Peony died, I have been living again with pretty much constant and widespread joint pain. I say “again” because this was my state for most of my life until I started to dance again at 40.

Doing this joint circle work almost daily, though, has been the tool I needed. It really does work. It might take a week or two or three for you to notice but keep going. It can be done in mere minutes or longer… whatever time you have.

I’ll be releasing another version in a chair soon. Let me know if you have any questions. You can ask by email, Facebook messenger, or over on YouTube in the comments.

Making ugly noise to get to the beauty

I wrote these words about 2 weeks ago on someone else’s post on Facebook:

I keep thinking about this as I venture further into my singing lessons. I keep thinking about a documentary about the making of the Joshua Tree (I can't find it to watch it again... it seems to have disappeared...)... Anyway, there's this part where Bono has written the words for I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For and the music was already done. But he has to figure out HOW to sing it... BONO... right? And whoa... it struck me exactly this... he had NO FEAR of sounding AWFUL and THAT is why he can do what he does. So now when I'm practicing, I push like that... just like I would do in dance, of course, but singing for me has been such a fear thing that it's more tender and vulnerable... but I push like that... where can I go that it's BAD... because RIGHT AROUND THERE... that's where you'll find awesome hanging out. 

I wrote that about 2 weeks ago, and since then, so much has changed.

So that little story — and this adventure I’m taking with singing — remember, it’s literal for me, but it’s simultaneously one giant metaphor for all of us, and it’s all about living life fully.

Over the last two weeks, because I’ve been willing to make ugly noises, to falter, to crack, to just sound like OUCH!, I’ve started to truly find my voice.

And under all that fear that I’ve lived with for so long, what am I finding?

That my voice is BIG and it’s sassy and ferocious and demanding.

It makes me think about my honest dance. I’m an aggressive mover when I’m fully in my body, so it’s no wonder that I’m an aggressive singer. (If the word aggressive makes you uncomfortable, sit with that because it’s my preferred word here and if it triggers you in some way, that’s your trigger to pay attention to. I stop to say this because over my life when I use that word, so many WOMEN correct me and say I mean assertive. No. I mean aggressive.)

I also don’t think it’s a coinkydink that once my singing lessons started, my shoulders reached new levels of healing. During a Peony Method class this week, I could feel my whole body connected in a way it hasn’t been for almost two years, thanks to a lot of factors, including Peony’s death and two frozen shoulders.

And they were frozen, for sure. The shots I got were totally necessary, but there’s some woo here, isn’t there?

Shoulders… how many times (if you’ve been in classes with me for long) have you heard me say, “Many women are weak in the shoulder area and that makes sense because it’s the connection space between heart and throat… how many of us are not saying what needs to be said and it’s stuck right at that shoulder level?”

I was obviously talking to myself.

So much...

Sometimes when I’m not writing a lot, it’s because there’s so much going on that I either am pressed for time or my brain needs time to process what’s happening in a way that it can be written about. Right now, it’s both of those things.

For now, I want to let you know that weekly classes will start up again the week of January 23rd. Please go here to read about what I’m offering and to register!

And I’ll be writing about what’s happening soon!