I'm Not Stopping...Unless a Mountain of Boxes Comes Down on Me...

A stock photo to demonstrate the EXACT OPPOSITE of what moving is like. FFS.

So yeah… as of August 26th, we are a mere…OH MY GOD! I HADN’T COUNTED THIS YET…TEN DAYS until we hit the road to Columbus. I am surround by messes and I am lethargic about it like any good ADHD leaning* procrastinator who needs massive time pressure and then turns into the most organized tornado of get-it-done energy ever.

I am freaking out, for sure. But why would I let moving an entire house full of stuff, including MANY cats, to another state stop me from also doing All the Other Normal Things?!

For example, I’ll be announcing a new session the week before we move AND I am here to say something rather important about one on one services.

I am STILL doing that too!

Seriously. As I told a friend/student, I NEED to be doing that. No matter what else is going on, this work is me and it grounds me. Keeps me sane.

So, please, don’t hesitate to register for one on ones. As soon as we move, I’ll be set up to work immediately. Which makes me super happy.

*I say this because I don’t have a diagnosis and I am in no way using this lightly.

REALLY Big News (and if you're a certain age, you just heard a black and white TV show emcee in your head)

This photo is full of layers upon layers of stories that I could spend books full of words telling, but I’ll simply start with this: This photo is love and it was taken in Erie.

I was surrounded that day by so many women who have been so important to me, who have supported me through hell and back, and who cheered me when my wings were strong again.

So many of you reading this would fit into that category of women. I am lucky.

And though so many of you are all over this globe and all over this country, right now I’m especially talking to those of you in Erie.

Those women who would drop anything and come running when they could feel my pain and know its depths.

Those women who watched as I built myself up and always were there to say, YES! MORE!

Those women who were my roots when I felt rootless.

Erie is the soil in which all of this love grew and I know those roots are strong enough to stay connected to me even as I leave.

Finally I can share the news...

When we moved back to Erie 3 years ago from our brief adventure in Vermont, it was a difficult and complicated choice between home and another city that called to us. Home was the right thing at that moment. There were lots of knots that needed to be undone here and we've done that.

And I'll never not be grateful that we chose Erie when it turned out my father and mother really needed us.

I love this land and this lake upon which this small city sits, but alas...both of us crave and need more opportunity and, quite frankly, less history, less known, less sameness.

My sister and her family live in Columbus, Ohio, Craig's favorite city, where he has spent many years of his life.

I have not lived in the same town with my sister since I left for college, and my nieces and nephew... I want more time with them.

Columbus is only just under 4 hours away.

We will miss people. Deeply. But this is still home and we'll be around lots. And we expect to see our peeps in Columbus because let me tell you... there is SO MUCH TO DO AND EXPLORE!

And we will be putting the house up for sale, which pains me but also feels like a relief.

This house has sheltered me through so much. This house has made me feel safe when I was alone.

And this house... I taught out of this space so much and I have chanted and danced my butt off and it has left a residue of peacefulness that you can only experience upon walking in.

There's barely anyone who doesn't comment on it.

May we all, who have moved in that space, carry the energy and love and witness that it provided for us.

May you all continue to feel the love I have for you, as I will carry yours with me.

As a note, we’ll be leaving the weekend of September 5th. Please reach out if you want to see me before we go. We can visit safely outside.

Open Hearted is Warrior Badass

I’m gonna say it… life freaking sucks right now. I mean, really, even if you yourself are doing okay, the world is BLEEDING. People are SUFFERING. And it all feels so damn intentional so that adds more layers to the shit cake, ya know?

If you suffer from mental illnesses, it’s highly likely that they’ve been exacerbated many times over. Take me for example, I was off all of my antidepressant medications, but I recently decided it would be smart and compassionate to put myself back on the one that’s easier to get on and off of. I can already tell a difference. I’m still doing ALL THE DAMN THINGS besides that but I definitely needed more help.

And WHY would I deny myself necessary help? We are still very stuck in a paradigm that pushes toxic independence above all else, aren’t we?

But we humans are built for interdependence: Healthy reliance on community. Support networks that we can count on. Love. Compassion. Empathy. Witnesses to our joys and pains.

To be intertwined in that kind of human experience, though, we have to be open hearted.

Toxic independence and illnesses like depression create closed hearts.

So we have to work on this. It’s not just a matter of saying “my heart is open now.”

Every day we have to re/build that open heart. Tend to it. Be tender with it. Feed it the things it needs. And we have to be courageous.

When I was experiencing a very healthy and open hearted time in my life, looking back, I can now see that I worked my BUTT OFF to get there.

Everything I did was part of this goal of living an open hearted life. Everything.

I realized a while ago, wow, I barely do a THING anymore for my heart. I just push through days. I push through tasks. I do the exercise but I don’t FEEL the music.

This is changing, of course, or I would not be able to write about this… I’d still be rather unconscious.

And let me whine it out here, please and thank you: IT IS SO HARD!!!!

It’s hard to step off the hamster wheel.

I’m working on it and I’m here to help you too if you need any help. Just message me on Facebook; write me an email; join our private group Embodiment Sanctuary. Whatever works for you. But start by stepping into some interdependence.

Be a Movement Rebel Fundamentals: Summer Session 2 (ONLINE)

WHERE: ONLINE, via Skype

TIME: Mondays, 5:30 to 6:40 PM (Eastern Time)

DATES: July 20, 27 and August 3, 10, 17, 24

HOW: For this session, you need to also be familiar with/able to use Spotify. It’s free. But I’ll be providing a music list BEFORE each class. While I’m teaching, ALL MICS MUST BE OFF, except for mine. You’ll be listening to the music at your end (providing more volumn and clarity) AND you’ll still be able to hear me (I’ll be using an earbud for my own music.)

COST: $80

REGISTER HERE

I’ve gone through a gazillion transformations with this work that started 11 years ago, and for the first time ever, I feel like I have finally found some ways to talk about it that really give you a feeling for what we are doing.

I am a Kinetic Liberator.

What the heck does that mean?!?

Well, it means about a thousand things, but to start, it means that I am here to guide you into your own body’s ways of moving in this world that will bring you to a place in which you are able to truly enjoy living in your body.

I’m here to guide you into a fuller relationship with your body via her unique vocabulary — not the vocabulary of someone else’s body or anyone else’s ideas of forms and postures and steps.

Also I’m here to make space for bodies that were often told they didn’t belong in certain places — like dance classes or yoga studios (I’m not saying ALL have been exclusionary BUT I am saying that far too many of my students have this shared experience).

I’m here to make space for different bodies to move in ways that have been culturally deemed “only for (insert body type).”

I’m here, too, to cut the cord connecting permission and a male or other gaze. Meaning, your body moving is for YOU… not for anyone else to “enjoy” or partake of in any way.

Besides how I’m here to guide you via your body, I’m here to help in another way:

I’m here to show you that you can literally MOVE YOUR CRAP, cut through all the old stories, build a new way of being, and that you don’t need to talk it all to death.

So that’s me… what’s the work for you?

I want you to embrace yourself as a Movement Rebel.

As a movement rebel, you come to each and every class with no preconceived notions.

You come with no mat, no shoes, no special equipment.

The only equipment you need is CURIOSITY and FASCINATION.

As a movement rebel, you know all you need is you.

What do we actually do?

From week to week, this evolves. Constantly. But there are some things that create a sense of familiarity so that we can be brave in the face of all that change:

We always start class on the floor, seated (though this can be done in a chair), and we always start with the breath and with a series of circular movements throughout the body.

This gets us grounded and settled and warmed up.

Then we explore individual body parts for a segment of the class. We might spend a whole song moving with just the hands, for example.

And finally, we get into more poetic work toward the end, using prompts designed to disconnect thinking mind so you can really get to know your rebel self.

LIBERATION IS THE WHOLE POINT

Are you ready?

If you REALLY believe mind and body are one: the #IamaBagofChemicals free monthlong challenge

Eleven years ago, I started to dance again, and it changed my entire life. In about six to 9 months it changed EVERYTHING.

After suffering from chronic, absolutely debilitating, and life-threatening depression cycles for over a decade, I suddenly was… not. The second I started to dance, this started to happen.

I was made to dance. We all are. But it was my extra special something. Yours might be hiking or cycling. Whatever it is, if it’s meant to save your brain from itself, it also will often look rather vigorous. 

I was committed once I felt the results, and I worked hard every single day because that’s what it took for me not to hate life to the point of not wanting to live.

Two to 3 hours of vigorous a day was my goal. 

No meds. They’d been awful to me at the onset and I never looked back (until recently but that’s another story).

Just hard work. Harder than most people want it to be, truth be told.

As I was doing this ALL FOR MY BRAIN, my body started to change. Duh.

In that 6 to 9 month period, I dropped about 5 sizes. Yep. That’s what the picture is for. This photo was taken 4 years ago. Around the time I met my now husband. 

By that point in my journey, I was downright HAPPY.

I was FITTER than I’d ever been but more importantly I felt ALIVE and CREATIVE in my body. I felt connected. I felt openhearted.

I felt more human than I ever thought possible.

I felt JOYFUL.

Fast-forward from that photo to about 2 years ago when I was thrown into a serious existential depression about life’s meaning and purpose following a complex set of circumstances including my father having a horrible stroke.

I stopped moving.

My mind got sluggish.

The chemicals started to work against me again.

And as was inevitable, my body started to change.

When it changed the first time around, it was a side effect of doing what needed to be done for my brain.

This time around, it was a side effect of NOT doing what needed to be done for my brain.

See that?

I’ve NEVER EVER used dance to “lose weight” or to “get strong physically” or any other reason totally about the body and aesthetics.

I move because it is a human imperative to move. It’s written into our genes. It’s the action of our entire selves right now to the cells themselves.

If you think you’re happy right now, for example, but you’re NOT moving, I guarantee there are happiness planes you’ve never seen before.

We are built to MOVE.

Period.

Our brain chemistry, our hearts, our lymph systems and on and on… none of it works OPTIMALLY if we aren’t moving. EVERY. DAY.

THIS is the mind body spirit connection that people love to babble on about.

But it’s much more real and more concrete than most like to admit. The spiritual wellness community loves to talk about this in the abstract.

No abstractions here.

MOVE or don’t be the YOU you were BUILT to be.

So for the month of July, every day, I’ll be running a free challenge to help you CHANGE YOUR BRAIN.

YOU are a BAG OF CHEMICALS and in one month, you can experience that like you never have before.

But it’s HARD.

So I need support to get going again. I’ve started a BIT but I need BIG.

If you ask, I’ll add you to a PRIVATE CLOSED Facebook group, where I’ll start two conversation threads a day: one where we can share wins/successes with words, photos, videos and another where we can share challenges/issues with the same.

I’m not there to teach you. I’m there to be in circle with you as we do this together.

I’m HERE on Facebook. Friend me first and then let me know you wanna work in this lab with me and others.

ABC Morning Quickie Yoga Online (Live or Recorded): Awaken & Balance the Chakra Energy Centers

I’m super excited about this SEVEN WEEK/JULY AUGUST yoga session.

ABC YOGA: Awaken and Balance the Chakra Energy Centers will take you on a journey through the different layers of YOU!

Each chakra is a metaphorical and physical space ruled by psychological and physiological realities and we’ll be diving into ALL of that.

Each chakra corresponds to an emotional need AND to an actual glandular activity.

We’ll use breath, movement, and meditation to work on each chakra, one at a time, each week.

By Tuesday morning, I’ll also be posting some questions/ideas around that chakra in our private group. You could use these for journaling for the week or you could just hold the questions/ideas in your mind as we explore that week’s yoga.

WHAT YOU GET:
Access to TWO 20 minute practices a week, which you can watch live or you can watch the recording when you have time. It’s all up to you.

You can also REPEAT the material as much as you want. Each class will stay up in the group for the entire month and a bit beyond.

You also have access to ME. You can ask for help ANY TIME in the group.

HOW:
You have to be on Facebook.

MUSIC will be provided in the group prior to the class via Spotify and YouTube lists.

You’ll be added to a “Morning Quickie Yoga” PRIVATE group.

TIME ZONE: I’m in the Eastern U.S. Time Zone. For those of you for whom that might not mean much, I’m in the same time zone as New York City.

ALSO NOTE: Classes, though online, START ON TIME. You can jump in late, but I won't be waiting.

COST: $77 for the Seven Weeks
Tuesdays: July 14, 21, 28 and August 4, 11, 18, 25
Thursdays: July 16, 23, 30 and August 6, 13, 20, 27

TIME for LIVE CLASS is 10:30AM

CLICK HERE TO REGISTER

TESTIMONIALS:

For me it is an excellent introduction while still presenting a challenge in the work presented. I have done yoga but not Kundalini before. The class also models how to work towards a daily practice within a doable daily time window. And the themes are a combination of physical and emotional/spiritual which works well in the integrated approach I am trying to take with my daily practices. (JW)

Kundalini yoga isn't, I believe, what most people think of as yoga. There's more effort in many of the moves, which I like a lot; I feel like I've actually MOVED. I learned several practices that I will be incorporating into my life because they address specific physical issues that I've been wrangling for a while. (GJ)

Change is Coming

I’ll be recreating my one on one offerings in the near future, and I have to alert you — if you’ve been putting this off, I will be raising the rates on one on one work. It is life changing. The results and the current rates do NOT match. This will happen in about a month, as a heads up.

You can sign up and take advantage of the old rates by clicking here. I will work with you to schedule our times together to make this as easy as possible.

From a long time student, when I asked her to talk about what it’s like to do this work:

”It’s really difficult to encapsulate one-on-one work with Christine into just a few sentences, because the work is so deep. I am a person who gets caught up in my brain, trying to think my way through things…instead of just breathing them, letting body be.

Working with the body helps me find what I just can’t express in words…or rather, what I just can’t think through, or resolve with thinking. Things trapped, and trapped without me even realizing. It helps me release the hold of those stories that have accumulated on top of my truth, keeping me from remembering myself.

I can’t do that with my brain. I’ve tried for decades, and it just hasn’t worked. We are so disconnected from our bodies. Our current culture encourages this disconnect. I know this intellectually. Yet – there is discomfort in reconnecting. I tend to avoid it.

Christine provides a safe and compassionate space for this difficult work. She is observant… she doesn’t apply a formula to me. Rather she listens, and watches, and draws from a breadth of training and experience in a multitude of somatic therapies to truly individualize the experience. She’s not trying to fit me into a mold, a pre-set recipe for healing. Rather, she observes and then prompts to draw out what is already in me – often able to look through my layers of ick, and see the truth that is in me that I have forgotten.

But…the ick needs dealt with. And that’s the hard work. The uncomfortable work. Sometimes it makes me mad. I don’t like it. Discomfort. But…. I always get to the other side of it. And I am supported in it. And realize I am okay. And that’s the difference in this work with the body, versus talk therapies. I’ve done talk therapy a lot, which rehashes trauma without ever moving it through the body. I can’t think my way through these things. I have not let body care for me through these things… our original knowing.

With knowledge and experience, Christine guides me back to this original knowing; the trust of my body that I have lost. It’s in trusting the body that we find freedom. It’s not easy work. But it’s worth it."

Our Culture is Trauma and We All Live on a Spectrum of Dissociation

Are you more aware of your head/brain than your entire body?

Dissociation...

I truly believe we are a culture of humans living on different points of a spectrum of dissociation.

Our culture is trauma inducing in its very makeup and the main way we cope is to exit our bodies. HOW we do this varies -- from alcohol consumption to the way we eat to TV to never moving to not listening to music (because it brings up FEELINGS) and on and on.

Before I started to dance again after I turned 40, I was one of the most dissociated people you'd ever meet.

I was blank in my eyes from my chronic depression but more than that...

I was a head being transported by a body that I did my best to ignore.

Or had learned to ignore.

I would go all day feeling angry and then realize I had NEVER PEED.

All these signals that bodies send... I just didn't hear them any more.

Here's the thing...

You don't just suddenly repair that.

I'm still working on it 11 years later at 51.

The other day I realized that EVERY SINGLE MONTH it's like I'm getting my period FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER because I can't remember SIMPLE THINGS...

Like, for example, my period actually EXHAUSTS me because I tend toward slight anemia on a good day. (And I thought I was entering actual menopause because of this disconnect too. That's another story.)

EVERY MONTH I think, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? WHY AM I SO TIRED? I NEED SOME SORT OF MEDICAL INTERVENTION!

Then POOF! I'm not tired anymore and I go, oh, right...just had my period.

DISSOCIATION.

I still can forget to pee.

I still can forget to EAT or god forbid... drink water.

I STILL forget the basic thing I TEACH -- that if you MOVE, you'll FEEL BETTER. Your brain will be clearer. You’ll have energy. Your mod will be less dark even in difficult moments.

So how about you?

What does your level of dissociation look like? How does it play out? What can we do to stop this?

Because stopping this? It's key to EVERYTHING.

People who are dissociated are easily turned into cogs in the wheel.

People who are NOT dissociated are ACTIVE and they CREATE THE WORLD THEY WANT because they know their own power.